Struggling Through New Beginnings

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Harry
was angry. He was angry at Draco for entering their lives at all, Hermione for
getting involved with Draco, and Snape for being himself. He was still angry
with Dumbledore for the things he�d put him through in the past; and now for
continuing to look so apologetic every time they saw one another. He even felt
anger at Ginny and Ron for not understanding his anger. Then, as he put his
books in his bag and began to head up to lunch, Harry realized he would have to
sit at the same table as the best friend of his worst enemy and felt the anger
rise like bile in his throat.

Initially,
he and Blaise had made a pact to avoid confrontation at meals by not speaking
unless forced to do so. Unfortunately, their forced closeness and all the time
they spent in the Head�s Room together soon made that pact unrealistic and they
found themselves talking, reluctantly about school issues, the students at
their table, and classes. It hadn�t been as difficult as Harry had thought it
would be, as Blaise was as intelligent as he was stubborn and they often helped
each other with difficult class assignments. As intelligent people they found
it mutually beneficial to collaborate over meals rather than fight.

But,
after having witnessed Draco and Hermione�s confessions to one another, Harry
didn�t think he could handle sitting with Blaise and pretending like life was
perfectly fine. Blaise�s dislike of Hermione was as strong as Harry�s of Draco.
It was the one subject each avoided around the other and the one thing Harry
knew they wouldn�t be able to talk around that day. With a beleaguered sigh, he
slung his bag up on his shoulder and turned to the door, where he found himself
facing Blaise. What he saw in the other man�s face shocked the anger out of
him.

Blaise
looked defeated, beaten and sad.

Harry
swallowed and took one step towards the darker man. �Um, time for lunch. You coming?�

Blaise
shook his head, �No, I�not hungry.� He moved towards the door and said over his
shoulder, �Potter, do you ever feel like�never mind.�

Harry
asked, �What?� although he was unsure if he really wanted to know the question.

Blaise
turned and looked at him for a long moment before he sighed, �Nothing. Just tired.�

They
both walked out of the classroom and silently started their trek up the dungeon
stairs. Harry couldn�t ignore the look he saw on Blaise�s face and decided to
try again. He thought he knew what Blaise was feeling, as he�d felt it too
often himself.

Harry
didn�t turn his head as he asked, �Do I ever feel like I have no control over my
life and no idea how I lost that control?�

When
Blaise didn�t answer, Harry continued, �Do I ever feel like there are days I
want to scream until everyone and everything starts making sense again?�

Blaise
released a small grunt and Harry, encouraged, continued, �Do I ever feel like
everything would be perfect if everyone would just stop doing things that piss
me off?�

Blaise
finally joined the conversation as they reached the top of the steps, �Yeah. I
mean, I know things have changed, I know things are, I guess, better. But, why
does it have to get rubbed in my face? Why can�t people just leave things well
enough alone for a while?�

�Exactly!� Harry nodded.

Blaise
pushed open the door to the Great Hall and continued with his voice pitched so
only Harry could hear in keeping with their promise to not fight at meals. �I
just got my head wrapped around the whole war and all that shit and now I have
to deal with my best friend being in an unholy, unnatural relationship with
that, that�HER!�