Struggling Through New Beginnings

Chapter 7

“I just don’t know, okay?!” Pansy snapped before she turned away to sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

Millicent turned and stomped halfway up the stairs before she stopped, turned and said, “You know, Pansy, some might think it odd that a person’s fiancée doesn’t know what might be wrong with them. I’m just saying.”

Pansy didn’t turn to look at the other woman, as she made her way up to her bedroom and shut the door. She instead let out a slow breath and leaned back, with her eyes closed in the ensuing silence. She knew it was her duty to go find Draco and make sure he was okay. She knew it was expected that she would be there for him to lean on in his continued grief. And, part of her did want to go to him, if only to make sure he was not in shock from the surprise of seeing Dumbledore and Snape alive and well.

But the greater part of her battled between just going to bed and curling into a ball, and going out for a walk down by the lake to clear her head. Deciding on the latter she quickly stood and hurried out of the room and down the short hallway to the stairs. She knew no one would stop her or question her, as they would assume she was going to see Draco. In only a few moments, she was out of the common room and climbing the stairs from their dungeon location.

As she hit the top step she saw the waning outside light through the windows and quickened her steps to the front foyer. With her eyes on her imminent freedom she didn’t notice the rapid fire footsteps coming down the other hall.

When they met at the corner, Ginny jerked to a halt and glared at Pansy. “What are you doing lurking in the halls?”

“I, uh, I just wanted…” Pansy trailed off in shock and a little fear at the anger she felt from the shorter woman. Her shoulders fell as she finally whispered, “I’m sorry,” and turned to go back to her room.

Pansy’s sadness, stuttered answer, and sudden retreat startled Ginny out of her rage, “Hey, wait.”

Pansy stopped and turned, but Ginny noted that she glanced around nervously and took a step backwards from the Head Girl.

“I didn’t do anything,” Pansy began.

Ginny took another small step forward and shook her head, “No, I didn’t say you did. I was just...look, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’ve had a rather difficult night and I took it out on you. Where were you going?”

“Just outside,” Pansy said defensively. “It’s not against the rules!”

“I didn’t say it was, Parkinson. I was just asking.”

Pansy nodded, but didn’t move from her spot. Ginny sighed and looked out of the windows before she looked back at Pansy.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Pansy looked ready to run as her eyes darted around the hall looking for an escape, but she nodded slowly.

“I know Euan asked this earlier, but you didn’t answer. And, we are alone now, so there’s no reason to lie. Did you really mean to turn Harry over to Voldemort? I mean, was that your plan?”

Pansy was shaking her head before Ginny even finished the question. Finally, someone had asked. “No. Never! I wasn’t thinking. I was just so scared and I…I don’t know. I’ve gone over it a million times and I don’t know. I wanted Harry to win so badly, you have to believe me. I did. But, I was so scared and I just panicked, Ginny, I…”

Her voice trailed off in horror, as she realized she had broken a cardinal Howarts house rule. Never address anyone from another house in a friendly manner unless you were friends with, related to or dating them.

“I mean…I…”

Ginny finally smiled, “I believe you, Parki…Pansy.” She watched the color slowly come back to the dark haired girl’s face and tilted her head a little, “New beginnings, right?”

Pansy nodded and offered a small, tremulous smile, “Yeah.”

When Pansy’s eyes fell away again to examine the stone floor, Ginny made a decision. “Hey. How about we go to the lake together? We can, um, start to get to know each other or something. I don’t have rounds tonight and I need to walk.”

Pansy looked both hopeful and apprehensive, “Us? Together?”

Ginny laughed and held out her hand, “Okay, how about this? Hi. I’m Ginny Weasley. I’m seventeen, Head Girl, an amazing quidditch player, dating Harry Potter, have a huge family and great friends, have a bit of a temper, and hate potions class. And, you are?”

Pansy giggled softly, “That makes two of us actually, and I’m Pansy Parkinson. Um, I’m almost eighteen, I, uh, like to read and paint. I actually like arithmancy and transfiguration and am sorry to say I really dislike most sports. I don’t think I know what I want to do after Hogwarts, but I would like to try this new beginnings thing. And, I hope we can…”

Ginny waited to see if Pansy would finish her sentence as she watched the blush creep up the other woman’s face. Finally she prodded, “Hope we can what?”

“Nothing,” Pansy shook her head. “Both ways I was going to say it sounded childish, I guess.”

“Say what, Pansy?”

The use of her first name straightened her shoulders and Pansy looked solemnly at Ginny. This was an opportunity better than she could have dreamed. “I hope we can get to know each other. I would like to become your friend.”

Ginny successfully covered her surprise with a tentative smile and nod. “How about we take that walk?”

When Pansy smiled back shyly they fell in step and continued to the main lobby. Part of the way there Ginny gave a playful wink, “As a sign of our burgeoning friendship, how about you tell me the secret to getting along with my new flatmate?”

Pansy’s soft laugh carried them out of the door and down the stairs.

xxxxx

Hermione came down the stairs and saw Ron waiting on one of the sofas in the common room. When Natalie, Lavender’s flatmate, had knocked on the door, Hermione had been very happy for the interruption. But, when Natalie had given her Ron’s message that he wanted her to come meet him in the common room, she almost wished she could ignore it and go back to talking to Parvati.

With his back to her, Hermione still had time to turn back, but she knew they needed to talk. It might not be the alone time Ron had planned, but she needed to get some things off her chest. Pushing back the nagging voice that told her to continue to wait, she took the final steps down the stairs and moved across the room to him.

“Ron?”

He turned and smiled as he got up, “Hey Mione. Come on, sit with me.”

Hermione smiled and sat next to him on the sofa. Her face and heart softened when he took her hand and brought it to his lips for a soft kiss. He was so sweet and she really didn’t want to hurt him or lose him as a friend. Part of her wanted to just forget ‘the talk’, but she knew it needed to be done.

She pulled her hand out of his and clasped hers together, “Um, Ron, we…”

Ron pushed his hand into his hair as he interrupted her, “Listen, Mione. I have something I need to tell you; some things I need to say. But, I need to say it quickly, and I know I might say some things wrong, but let me finish before you get upset, okay?”

“Okay, but Ron, what…”

He cut her off again as he pushed off the sofa and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He stared at the fire in the fireplace as he spoke, “I think we should break up. I love you, Mione. And, I know you love me, but it’s not working. Not really. And, it’s not you, it’s me, I think. I want something permanent which you aren’t ready to give me, and, I think you want someone I can’t be. And, I was thinking about all this new beginning stuff and um…”

He trailed off as he turned to face her. He expected tears or anger, but he was met with a blank stare. “Hermione? Are you okay? Say something.”

Hermione finally focused on Ron and whispered, “I love you, too, Ron.”

Misinterpreting her whisper for anguish, he sank down on his knees and took her hands in his, “I know it will be rough, but we will be okay, I promise. We love each other too much to not be, right? We can still be friends, can’t we?”

Hermione smiled and nodded, “We’ll be fine, Ron. And, you were right, it wasn’t working. But, don’t think it’s you. You are perfect just as you are. We’re just not quite perfect for each other.”

Ron blew out the breath he’d been holding, “So, we’re breaking up then?”

“Yeah, I guess we are,” she answered softly. Then a tear slid down her cheek as she asked, “But, we’re still the best of friends right?”

He pulled her into a hug and nodded against her shoulder, “Always.”

He held her while she cried against his shoulder. He didn’t want her to hurt, and he didn’t want to be the cause of her pain, but he believed he was making the right choice.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked a short while later.

Hermione laughed a little and blew her nose, “Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t even know why I’m crying really. I actually came down here prepared to tell you the same things.”

“You did?” he asked in shock. He never thought she would be the one to break things off with him.

Hermione nodded, “Great minds, huh?”

Ron shrugged, “I guess. So, what now?”

“What do you mean?”

Ron looked at her for a moment before he asked, “What do we do now that we aren’t dating anymore? Is it going to get all awkward, you know, like where we can’t talk to each other and stuff, like back in fifth year?”

Hermione laughed a real laugh and elbowed him in the side softly. “I’d hex you silly if you tried to go back to acting like that! No, Ron, we’re adults now; we act like it.”

“Okay, good. But, do we announce it or something?”

Hermione stood as she shrugged, “I don’t have all the answers, Ron. I guess for now you tell Harry and I will go tell Ginny. Everyone else will figure it out. Okay?”

Ron stood and nodded, “Okay.”

They gave each other a short hug before Hermione turned to leave the common room.

“You’re going to tell her now?” Ron asked.

She nodded, “Better now than tomorrow in front of everyone at breakfast, right?”

He agreed and with a quick smile, she was gone.

Neither had expected things to go so smoothly. And, as awkward as things might be for a short time, they were both glad it was done. They knew their friendship would survive.

Hermione closed the portrait and leaned back against the wall next to it. With her eyes closed for a moment she took in the comforting sounds of the school she’d missed so much while on the run; the soft sounds of the many birds and other animals, the murmurs of voices behind her, even the soft hiss of the flames from the many candelabras. She took in a deep breath and held it as she let herself settle. There had been many times over the past year that she hadn’t been sure she would ever hear them again. Her mother always told her that change was more often than not, a good thing. But, there had been so much change recently, that Hermione wasn’t quite sure how she felt about this last one. She knew Ron and she were not a good match, and that their decision was the right one, but still…

“Another door closed,” she whispered softly to herself.

The Fat Lady’s snort brought her out of her reverie. “Of course, it’s closed, dear. You pulled it shut yourself.”

Hermione laughed softly and nodded at the woman in the portrait, “True.”

“And, where are you off to? It’s near to curfew.”

“I know. I’m just going to see Ginny Weasley. She’s our new Head Girl,” Hermione smiled.

The Fat Lady nodded, “Oh, I know. Please tell her congratulations for me and that I hope she still visits sometime.”

Hermione pushed away from the wall and waved, “Will do.”

As she walked the halls there were few students about. Thankfully, the ones she did see were too caught up in their own business to wonder about hers. Hermione reached the turn Ginny had told her to take, past the Charms classroom and headed up the corridor. As she neared the stairs leading to the dungeons she heard people hurrying up themselves and slowed her steps so they would not barrel her down in their haste.