Struggling Through New Beginnings

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

“And, it really doesn’t bother you that she’s Head and not you?” Pansy asked in awe. Most of her relationships had been built on necessity, bribery, or blood. Until this year she had never had friends just because they had common interests or shared memories. She had always assumed that all friendships were laced with a good dose of dislike, the desire for one-upmanship, or the need to prove oneself. The thought of Hermione not being jealous of Ginny just blew her away.

Hermione smiled and laughed a little as she looked around the nearly empty all-house common room, “No, Pansy. Not at all. Now, if you had asked me before the war, then maybe, but now I just…I guess I don’t want the responsibility.”

Pansy nodded thoughtfully, and Hermione continued her eyes unfocussed in thought, “Gin will be great at it. She deserves it; worked hard for it. I think I just need this year to be normal for a change. Vati says I need to learn how to be a normal teenager; a normal girl. Every year at Hogwarts has been an adventure, often an exercise in fear. It was always focused on Harry, Voldemort and the war. I need time to just be me and figure out what I do now that I don’t need to be just the strong, fearless, brainy friend of Harry Potter.”

“The brains behind the man,” Pansy smiled.

“Something like that,” Hermione laughed. “But, enough about me. We’re supposed to be talking about you.”

Pansy blushed a bit as she asked, “Be honest with me. Am I crazy for even thinking he would like me? I mean, it’s not like we’ve even been friendly before.”

“The truth?” Hermione asked. When Pansy nodded, she said, “I don’t know. I mean, nothing against you at all. It’s just that as smart as Ron is, he isn’t the most adapt at picking up on clues from girls. Look how long it took us to get together.”

“So what can I do?” Pansy sighed.

Hermione looked at her for a moment before she asked, “Why Ron? What do you see in him? Know about him? What do you want from him?”

“Well, I…” Pansy started, thrown by the questions. Her eyes clouded as she thought back on how it all began. “I guess it started because I thought he was adorable in those ugly robes at the ball fourth year. He was so uncomfortable and it was kind of funny, but also kind of cute. Draco kept making jokes about the Weasleys being poor, but I just watched Ron watch you. His eyes were so expressive, so sad; it made me want to hug him. But, I knew it was forbidden, so I just…Well, anyway, I guess I started watching him a lot after that. I saw he wasn’t the bumbling fool we all thought him to be. He’s smart, and funny, loyal, caring, brave, determined, a bit of a prat sometimes, too, but what man isn’t? I knew he would get you to go out with him eventually. Who wouldn’t want to melt into those eyes, kiss those pouty lips, feel his…”

Hermione coughed delicately to cut her off and laughed at Pansy’s immediate blush.

“Sorry, but you asked,” she smiled. “Anyway, it was over the summer that I guess I really started thinking about him as a possibility. I read that you two were together and I kept telling myself to let it go. It wasn’t like I could ever compete with you, so I just had to get over it. Plus, there was the thing with Draco, even though we hadn’t even seen each other since the last day of the war. But, at night, alone in my room, I would dream of him; of the possibility of him. I would watch news reports just looking to see Ron’s name. And, I clipped pictures from the Prophet with him in them. I couldn’t stop myself. It gave me something to hope for, I guess. It helped me get through the summer, through those sessions. I knew if I could just be strong and make it through, I would get to see him again here. I knew you two would be together, and I never had any intention of letting him, or anyone really, know of my secret. I wouldn’t have dared try anything. Just seeing him every day would have been enough, I thought. But, somehow in the last three days, all that has changed. I surely never meant to blurt it out to Harry the first night, and I…”