Just another depressed girl.

Depression

Only two people in my life know that I'm actually depressed.

And only one of them cares.

It's a long story how I became depressed. But like every story... It began with a boy.

I've gone to the same school since i was four. And it's a small school so I've basically grown up with these like 20 or so kids.

There was this boy. I've known him since I was 4. I've known his smile, laugh, face, emotions, him for so many years.

When we were 5 he had a crush on me (we were 5 so it was cute) he used to hug me randomly. And I remember being disgusted. Little did I know at 5 but that boy would be my life. We had this weird reputation in our class as we grew up that we were together. Even when we were 9 I remember the boys making fun of me and kept saying he was my boyfriend.

I didn't really want anything to do with him.

Then.

When we're about 10 we started talking and becoming friends. Around 6th grade we were best friends. We had nicknames for each other.....

Everyone in my grade hates me to bits. Except him.

He was being bullied and picked on for hanging out with me and he told me his friends stop talking to him and the only time they did they talked bad about me.

I've always been shunned and hated at that school. But it turned into bullying when I started 6th grade.

So when he was picked on I stood up for him. He always thanked me. He was known for being athletic and strong. But I realized he wasn't strong when it came to emotions.

He was a good boy who went to bed at 9pm. He was a huge mommas boy. I was the direct opposite. I was that girl that all the moms wouldn't want their child to be friends with. Most of the time they talked about my older sister who was getting into trouble left and right.

I stayed up till 3am and I wasn't close to my parents. (Cause they were so busy dealing with my sister they never talked to me)

We always talked over text or with FaceTime.

I tried to get him for weeks to stay up late.

At one night he told me he would stay up till 12:00. When it was 11:30 he started freaking out and having a panic attack almost. I calmed him down. He was afraid of staying up.

Over the summer of this year I kinda lost all my old friends because they were hearing the rumors about me and my family.

Eventually I was getting hate from everyone in my grade.

Then I did something I regret everyday of my life.

I shut down. I closed all my walls. I didn't talk to anyone I didn't listen to anyone. Not even him.

I made a mistake and he never forgot it.

Months pasted... When I told him I was sorry for shutting down and asked if we could be friends again.., he said no.

To this day be still hates me. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything.

Now i watch him everyday with his friends laughing. Smiling that smile that used to be because of me.

I'm sorry......#####