Walk Out On

Chapter 14: Just a 'Fling'

"If i cut you off, chances are that you handed me the scissors".

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I was pretty much going through an emotional roller coaster. My emotions were all over the place. My basic functioning in life was a mess. why? All because i took a break from my 'Love life'. Which wasn't healing anytime soon. Because we were barely talking to each other. If we did talk then it was through Vicky. I talk to Vicky to pass my message, she passes it to Stephan, then finally, it reaches him. It was a pretty pathetic cycle. 

Very childish... When ego and stubbornness clashes there is no stopping a person to stand their ground. 

  It's been over three weeks maximum, that we both didn't talk properly. Not that i was complaining but, then the 'break' was definitely turning into a 'break'. I guess I was complaining, but what can i say, i was so used to him, that when i don't speak to him, i feel a part of me is gone and I have nothing to do in life. 

Nora says I look terrible. Mentally and emotionally i was a huge mess. Affecting in such a way that my mood swings were on the role. I would get cranky out of no where and get pissed off and angry at the most unreasonable things. Like how my sister touched my story book or somethings which are told 'not to touch' was touched and scattered. I got mad and shouted at her. I felt bad later on wards, realizing i am just releasing my negative emotions on my family.

I did apologize to her, as I don't like hurting her. 

I felt like it was high time, we had a proper conversation, as i couldn't take this. But then this proves that, i am running back to him. But then, i had feelings that I couldn't deny for him. I was stuck in a deli ma. I needed an opinion. So i went to my best option. 

Vicky

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 'I feel like i should call him and talk him, as he doesn't seem like to care much' i said. Vicky was sitting on her bed and staring at me. "Up to you, if you want to maintain this relationship or not" was what she said. Sometimes she can be very wise. 

I just nodded, thought for a while. There would be no harm. Maybe I'll just accept that it was my fault, at heart I was accepting this. But i felt the need for things to go back to normal. So i took the leap of faith and called.

To hear the ringing tone on the phone line was already, putting me on edge. I have a thing where if a person doesn't take a phone within the first two-three rings, while i am nervous, i cut the phone and say ' he is not picking up' and avoid the situation. 

I was going to cut the phone when i heard his voice on the line. "Hello?"

"Hi" was all i could say, and it was very awkward. Deadly awkward.

Until, he asked 'So? what brings you up for this phone call?' 

he still had humor and all in his voice.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing?" not the best line but will do for now.

"Uh I'm doing quite good, just that..." he paused a bit.

"yeah?" 

"I missed you a lot" he said.

A few words but it reached me. Truth was i missed him as well. 

"I miss you as well" a smile was on my face. You know when you feel, other peoples happiness from normal instincts , i felt his happiness from the other end of the line.

It turned out well, because we both went in to our comfort zone after a few words. Not surprising.

To be able to hear his voice again, was like a fresh breath of air. The relaxation and comfort  i got of knowing he was in good health and still cared for me was very reassuring. Felt very mushy and good inside. 

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But all good moments don't always last for long. Right?

Well mine didn't. Another life moment came on me without any notice.

A truth and a lie. A truth that broke me for another time, a lie that kept me in the dark.   

We were having a daily dose of conversation. Normal as it can get. 

Until you feel this sensation of bad vibe. You would tend to ask "what's wrong?"

And if the reply is 'silence', then you bound to know something is wrong.

"I have to tell you something" "We need to talk"

All forms of these are quite words that makes your heart beat increase and have this thought, "what would it be? what did i say or do? etc " 

It was a confession... 

"I thought you should know, you deserve to know this. Du..during our small break... I sort felt the need to have someone with me. And as we were not on good terms.. I had a ... fling... with someone."

I was silent. I didn't know what to say. I mean what do you want me say? How do you want me to react... should i be congratulating him for confronting me or what???

"Say something?" he says.

"Who?"

Hurt and sorrow can only be hear from me right now.

"Rose" regret can be heard but it just didn't reach me.

I just did what i did best, i cut the call. 

You cannot expect more from me after that, after what you just said at me.

I cannot be happy to know that he told me this at least, but knowing what he just confessed truly doesn't bring any happiness in me.

I might seem strong, but i break. When it's time to break you just break. Don't hold back.

And he says, 'its just a fling, I might slap his face and if he said why, i would say i just felt like it' 

Flip a book at him, why? Because i felt like it. 

Punch him on the face why? Because i felt the need for it.

Hearing such things feels stupid and unrealistic, unbelievable. But such words work well with me right now. 

I was back to stage of a confused, and emotional haywire teenager all over again. 

why?? 

Because of this one boy.

* sure, go ahead* ;P

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Been a while and a very short one. but yeah hope you enjoy. 

Not edited so bare with me. 

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