Walk Out On

Chapter 18: My Hero

In front of me stood not the strong and brave figure i once knew, but a figure that i barely recognised. My one and only father figure stood infant if me as if by one touch he would break. Sleep deprived and tiredness was seen on him. I was sitting on my bed, hugging my knees to myself because that was the comfort i got right now, myself. 

Shaking and cautious steps were taken towards me, while taking a seat next me. My bed dipped a bit giving me a signal to look up to meet his sad eyes. They looked hollow and lifeless. Leaving me in guilt because i knew the that i was the root cause of it. I stayed silent because i couldn't utter a word, i lost it in me to say anything towards him. With somber look on his face, he talked, felt like forever as he didn't speak to me after the event. He did a pretty good job in avoiding me in our own house.

We ate together as usual, but the atmosphere was strangling me to death, it choked me to sit within my own family to know they are disappointed in me. I felt defeated as i drowned in my own sorrow. I sat there but a darkness as deep as the depths of the sea surrounded me, all i heard was blurred voices, it never focused. Only to feel the downfall i took from so high up in my dreams. 

Those smiles and happy faces were turned into frowns, those immense laughters that sheltered us for whom we were were lost in this small house of ours, somewhere, hoping to be found again. My thought of train was cut short by his frail voice. 

"Why?" he questioned me.

I shrugged and all i could say was 'I don't know' "why " i took the decision to get a boyfriend, i don't know why i was blamed for something i never did, i don't know why i took a step for being a disappointment in their eyes. Yeah, i don't know, i just took the leap of faith and jumped for it. Only to reach down broken and battered. 

It has been days that i was bottling up my feelings of disappointment in myself and the disappointment i caused to them, the sadness and depressed feeling that was itching to take over me any minute. To hear his voice, to hear him speak again, officially broke the wall that had cracks forming slowly. I burst out crying, it pained me to see my dad in such a state. Never in my life had i thought to see him cry, yes, i saw him being sad but never cry. 

"I am so sorry" i weeped and told him. Hoping he hears me out, hoping he knows that what my actions were not purposely acted on. Hopefully, hoping that he will eventually forgive me. 

"You are too naive, for this cruel world.You shouldn't have taken this road on your own, we are here for you in every step but it seems you didn't find us there, but found others instead." he said while holding my hands in his. 

"You being my first child, i never thought that you would ever do something like that. I always remind you and your sibling that your self dignity and your self is everything for you  to protect while you face the world. Never to let a person to touch your body, especially a boy, i reminded you." Tears flowing from his cheeks and them landing on our hands, while my own tears shredded freely today. 

"My actions were wrong, my desicions were wrong, I did wrong, and for that i want forgiveness from you." By now i was bawling my eyes out. But you know what, he is truly my hero, he saved me from darkness to show me a new light for life in that instant.

Sipping his tears with the back of his palm, he had a determined look. "Now, i never even saw that boy, i just only heard from your mother on how he is and everything. Your mother and went did a check on the boy herself. He, himself is a kind and loyal boy, however his family isn't. 

we live in a small world wouldn't be a joke in times like this.

Erik's family lives infant our Aunt Mary's house. So they have seen and heard on how that family is. Being my mom's sister, wanting whats best for me, aunt Mary told mom, it will not work out. To me i would be wondering, okay, dad just mentioned he is a good boy, he finds him good, so whats the problem? right?

"Now i know what you are wondering, what the problem would be, well the problem is now if we think a few years earlier and maybe one day you get married to him, you both might be alright, but if the in-laws does not treat you well, your life is all gone down the drain. If he doesn't have a stable job how will you both live together. "

"You would need a person who has a good education, has a stable job and a place for you both to live while a good family or atlas a good mother-in-law. Too much to wish for, but there are boys like that. But to hope that you understand what i am trying to make you understand." he finished.

I was nodding all the way. Yeah i did understand what he was meaning to tell me and i do understand his point of view completely well. I wouldn't want to turn out to be the working wife and let community decide for us that my husband would be depending on me, for our survival in the relationship.

A cold shiver ran through my spine, i shuddered as that thought came out. Any dad would want whats best for their daughter or son. With the door opening. mom walked in. Both mom and dad were holding on to each other. Hoping that i would hold on to them to reunite us as well. And i did. 

My dad had become my travelling buddy while mom helped me go and achieve further in life making sure if any obstacles comes she would support me and push me further and further towards the future. A good future.

All of a sudden, he started telling me the most cherished moments for him. "When you were born, you being a bit different, a premature baby, we had to keep you in a machine to let you grow out before we can carry you. Praying and keeping faith that you will live as doctors stated you won't stay with us for long. But to see you stand infant me today is living and proud proof you lived, and i want a good life for you. 

Your mom was't in the most fit shape, she would always be sick those days so she wasn't around to put your baby self to sleep with a lullaby, to feed you with a tiny milk bottles, to dress you up in the most adorable and tiny clothes we could find". He smiled as if he was reliving the moment. "You were like a little doll, our little doll, i burped you, i let my sleep go for a long walk because you were a  loud little one, he chuckled. I loved you like you were the only thing in the world, and i love you now, i will love you all the way." Giving a hug an embrace of how much he loves me, how much he cares for me. 

My first walk, my first word, my first day of school and all the way i would want him and mom to be there with me. I almost lost them for this time, for the very first time, i felt like i lost them from me. That i would have to go dive so deep that they would be lost with the less touch of a few meters only. To see them disappear to the depths of nothing while is stand here in the doorway of loneliness.

Slowly, bit by bit, his old smile and happiness was peeking out of his growing and sad face. Peeking slowly to shine out from the clouds of sorrow. And slowly my pain was healing bit by bit as well. My parents stepped out to freshen up and told to me to come out for dinner. I, myself went to wash my face and clear up.

Cold water splashed on my face, giving me some relief.Letting myself hear me, saying that "Everything will be fine" repeatedly. 

After pat drying my face, i headed to dinner. We all sat down to have dinner. it felt like for that moment it was all alright. Gave me an assurance that my family will stand by me. My sister was waiting to know what was going on, i mouthed to her "i'll tell you later". She nodded. Mom came with steaming and delicious food, while setting it up and separating for each of us she sat down near dad. Then they down looked at each other and then at me. So i got curious and i asked "What happened?"

Mom answered, " well we both have been thinking on it now, it might be best if you get a change of scenery" she looked with  hope in her eyes. 

"Change of scenery?" i questioned as i was confused.

"How about we send you out abroad for future studies, so that it will help with healing yourself and the change will help you, for a better you and us as well" she tried to make it understand for me.

I thought on it myself, maybe...

it's a...

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HI guys, hope you like this so far, please comment and like.

What do you think, will be a yes or no to go abroad ???

have nice day Byee :) <3