Walk Out On

Chapter 15 : Forgive me??

'Here i stay and wonder if second chances are worth giving for those who break us completely'

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I was hurt, like to the depth. Where I couldn't even stop to think and wonder if what i just heard was a reality or a false vision. But deep inside i knew this was real. 

I guess one part of being a teenager is that your hormones and emotions are all over the place. You are mentally and emotionally unstable. At least you pretend to the world you are stable. But we all know you are not.

I cried or rather just felt my heart ache for while. Until i couldn't cry anymore. And by now it was past midnight. My sleep was completely out of the picture. My phone kept ringing, which i didn't give a side glance even. I just stopped for a while. Became heartless for a heartbeat.

My throat was so dry due to me crying myself. My head felt like elephants were on it or it's that the world weight is on my head. My eyes were red and to reduce the whole wrecked look i had i went to wash my face. Cold water touched my face giving me a relaxation, a tiny bit. 

Mom was out watching TV, waiting for dad come back from work. There are days dad gets late from work. And yet mom waits for him and they go to slumber together. I got out of the room, i made sure my hair at least covering my face in such a way that i would not be given out that i cried a few minutes ago. 

"What are you doing up this late" mom asked a bit surprised to see me up at this hour. 

I wouldn't blame her. "I wanted to drink water" and headed to the kitchen, gulped down the glass of water as if my life depended on it. 

Without further time wasting, i headed back to my room saying 'goodnight' to mom. 

My mind was empty and still. Felt exhausted and tired from the energy i took myself into a while ago. closed my eyes, thinking to myself that i shut of my mind and body and forced myself to sleep.

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Woke up early for class. My energy level was down and not normal. I was so exhausted from the drama that was currently going on in my love life. Rephrase that 'Teen love life'.

I didn't see Nora until lunch, i got the hug and supported needed at that moment. Which lead me to burst into another wreck of tears. I am a emotional person and sensitivity is a very touchy part of me. 

I cried until i had to go back. But then Nora will always support me for my decisions.

"If it's too much just end it, end the misery" she said to me. Worried for how i am right now. She was a friend anyone could ask for. 

"End my misery huh?"

"It didn't feel right to end it, i was confused" My thoughts were on negative side.

But we all make it out of school as the day came to an end. "Just call me if you need a talk" Nora said as she left.  What would i do without this girl. 

The day went as normal as it was. Casual dinner and my parents being updated on how things were in our lives, expect for that 'other' part. 

I went to bed, as i felt too tired to do any homework.

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2 days later...  

Currently i was standing in front of Erik. You must be wondering how on earth am i, standing in front of him without doing anything necessary. 

"I am truly very sorry, Sara. I just got carried away" " I didn't mean to hurt you constantly" he was begging.

"But you did... repeatedly." my voice was sharp and cold as ice. No feelings attached.

He flinched after hearing me. 

I wasn't willing to get hurt and feel rejected by him again.

I should know whom i should be fighting for and whom i should be fighting with. 

I said i needed a break, i needed the space to think about if i wanted to go back in to our relationship.

Although he was saying he did love me, truly and purely.   

'love'

Such one word can be so much happiness and sadness at the same time.

I was having a mental conversation with myself, my self conscious.

'Should i forgive him? Or just end this for good?"

' No maybe i should just leave this and go'

'But i don't want to, i need him, no, wait maybe not so much now that he hurt me, but.. still... ugh .. this wasn't helping at all'

By now i would have a vague look on my face as i am talking to myself. Standing and spacing out is a normal personality trait in me, i must say, not a thing I'm proud of but it's in me. Happens often, I know I'm not the only one. 

Right now this moment, someone, somewhere in the world is spacing out this moment. 

Anyway 'spacing out' is not the problem here i guess.

The problem was right in front of me, staring at my eyes with hope. And mine with confusion and a feeling being lost. 

And being a hopeless love sick teen girl.. you would have guessed my answer by now...

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 Some guys just crack up and gives all the excuses in the world, when we girls give every option on a silver plate.

teen love is dangerous and sometimes.. stupid... but its love... right? 

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My writings are a bit short as i am trying real hard to make it long but i haven't by far succeeded yet. So i hope these will do as an effort as well. 

Do comment and like :)