Chapter Five
The rest of the day passed quickly; especially since my mood had become much heightened.
As I practically skipped the way home, I thought about how it had taken one day, one day and I’d already come so far. I had told someone something I’d never thought I would be able say. And I had actually said something intelligible to Toby for once and he had even invited me out. Another thing I had noticed was that I hadn’t shivered or had any repulsed thoughts around him.
For a long while, I had always been uncomfortable around most males. Whether if it was a teenager coming onto me or an old bloke making flirty jokes; I would have the same sick, nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was even worse if I knew the person well.
Even with Toby for instance, I would have expected myself to feel this way. Perhaps it was his gentleness or his friendliness that made me think otherwise. That perhaps, maybe there was a chance that he liked me me, rather than there being just the pervy aspect to it.
I hopped happily across the neat, square patch of green lawn and into cheery, red-bricked house with the terracotta roof. I stepped straight into the clear, wooden-floored hallway which was simply furnished with only a coat stand and a painting. The stairs lead upwards, directly opposite to the door and to the right; there was the doorway to the living room.
I poked my head in the living room, to find Bella perched calmly on the creamy, soft, leather sofa; absorbed completely into one of the morbid cartoons that she loved on the large, flat-screened television. This room too, was sparsely furnished, with only two large sofas, a chocolate brown carpet laid across the oak floors and a glass coffee table. The television had been attached to the far magnolia-painted wall and there were a few photo frames dotted about the room; which held humiliating child photographs of me and stunning, striking ones of Bella.
“Hey Bells,” I called out. “Is mum in?”
“She was, but then she went shopping to get food for dinner,” replied Bella, her eyes never leaving the screen.
“Oh, I see.”
“I think some people are coming over.”
I didn’t remember Mum ever mentioning this before, which I supposed was normal. This was such a dampener to my good mood; I didn’t like ‘socialising’ with my parent’s friends who I barely knew and having to pretend to be interested in their drab conversations.
“Wow, that sucks. I hope no one is really coming.”
“I know,” retorted Bella. “My favourite program is going to be on tonight, I might miss it!”
I went upstairs to my sanctuary and left her alone with her beloved television. My room was definitely my favourite room in the house.
I had been allowed to decorate it as I liked and I had chosen a red theme; with the walls had been painted red, each one a slightly different shade. The large, double bed in the centre of the room had a red-brown wooden frame; which matched the wardrobe, chest of drawers and desk that were along the far wall. The carpet was deep crimson; the curtains burgundy and the satin sheets on my bed were bright scarlet. The overall feel of my room; especially in the soft glow of light from my lamp gave a warm feeling; which was essential to me, particularly in the winter time.
I dumped my bag on my desk and decided to get straight to work with homework. For the next few hours, I poured over organic chemistry, attempting to get it to stick. But with not good results.
My mind was constantly buzzing over the conversation with Jill and the way Toby had smiled at me today. If I had known how good and relieving it would be to just release my past, I would have done so ages ago.
But as usual, nothing could prepare me for what happened next.
“Rachel!” called my mother from downstairs. “Can you come down here now!”
Grudgingly, I stepped away from the nonsense homework that I had basically completed and made my way down.
“There you are!” cried Mum. “Sometimes it’s like you don’t exist by the way you always hideaway in that room all the time. Must be a teenage thing I suppose. Isn’t that right, Bill?”
My mother was not alone.
“Oh yes, my daughter has been doing a lot of that lately. She only just turned thirteen and she’s developed a terrible temper! I hoped she would turn out to be more like your one here!”
Bill reached his hand to pat my head, but as usual I subtly dodged it. Bill tried not to look surprised; his huge grin that revealed his large, yellowing teeth from too much alcohol and hot drinks wavered slightly. His vast frame practically took up the space in the hallway; his slightly balding head with the small tufts of brown hair poking out just above his ears- was almost brushing across the ceiling.
“Let me get you a drink,” beamed my mother showing Bill to the living room; predictably oblivious. “Fred will be along in a few short minutes and dinner is ready soon.”
Bill was my father’s boss and closest friend. About six years ago, my father had been made redundant at his banking firm and we almost lost everything. For months, Dad was depressed and unemployed and no one seemed to want him. Then my dad met Bill in a bar and they became friends quickly. And because Bill was quite high up in his company, he managed to fix my father an interview and a vote of confidence, therefore getting him a job.
Dad was absolutely thrilled and ever since then he practically worshipped the ground Bill walked on. I suppose we all owed a lot to him; because of him we didn’t need to sell our house and Bella and I could carry on with our normal lives and stay in the one place that has always been known to us as our home. Dad worshipped Bill even more so now; since recently Bill had been promoted in the firm and was now technically Dad’s boss.
We all entered the living room; Mum and Bill sat on one sofa and Bella and I sat on the other.
“So Rachel, how is school going then?” Bill asked politely, his body leaning forward in the chair and his gaze fixed on me.
I couldn’t stop yet another chilling shiver up my spine. My mouth only hung open; my mind too completely distracted to help me form words. Mum shot me one of her glares; which was what she frequently did in these situations when she thought I was being too rude.
“It’s fine, I guess,” I muttered, keeping my head low.
“That’s good,” replied Bill, who was used to my surly attitude. “And what about you little Bella?”
“I love school,” beamed Bella, who’s hobby seemed to be making adult hearts melt. “My favourite subject is art!”
“Well that’s great darling! You have to show me some of your work sometime.” I stiffened. I didn’t like the way he called her that.
“Hello everybody!” My dad suddenly walked in. “It’s like Piccadilly circus here.”
My mum leapt from her seat. “I’ll check the lamb.”
Dinner was a hideous ordeal for me. They were all chatting; even Bella and I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t stop the swirling thoughts in my head. Though that was how it normally was for me. I had locked myself away for so long, that it was too difficult to let myself out again.
I was grateful when dinner was finished; that I could clean up all the dishes and then excuse myself away to finish ‘homework’.
As I was clambering up the stairs; I could hear Bill say behind me: “Oh dear, that one isn’t up for much conversation.”
To which my mother replied: “She wasn’t always like that. I’m not sure what to do with her, she is supposed to be an adult. I just don’t understand it.”
I tried to stifle the agonising sob in my throat and waited till I had reached my room.
There, I threw myself on the bed and wailed into the pillow.
I wished, I wished I could let them understand. I wished I could let them help me.
But I couldn’t tell my parents. Especially them.
It would ruin everything.
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