C H A N G E

{2}

2.

My fingers tremble as I try grip the cup of herbal mint tea, the steam fogs up my reading glasses as I try to look out to the ocean from my small balcony. It’s so quiet the only things to be heard at this time are the crashing waves and traffic from a distance. No noisy neighbours, complete and utter serenity. As I sit here in complete mindfulness I am suddenly reminded of what today is. Today is the last day to find out you have been accepted in to the University of Florida, I get up and start pacing up and down. What if I didn’t get in? I only applied to one university. I am such an idiot.

Breathe, Breathe Riley. I have a short minute of calm to myself until I slip on some shoes and run out the door to the mailbox. I run down the stairs not even bothering to wait for the lift to go down to the bottom floor. I grab the key to my mailbox from my front pocket and unlock the box.
Bills, Bills, a letter from my agent and University of Florida. I rip it open quickly and read it the fastest I have ever read something.
“Oh my god!” Oh my god! I got in!” I squeal, people passing by look at me like a crazy lady. I jump up and down. I am pretty damn sure this is the first time I have been genuinely happy in months. In my moment of happiness I turn ecstatic as I see a familiar face. I drop my letters in a rush and run into her arms, she engulfs me with her warmth.
“Penny, I have missed you so much.”
“Aww, I missed you too Rye, so what were you so excited about?” She asks.
“Well I just got into Uni!” I try my hardest to not sound like an excited six year old.
“Congrats! You really do deserve it.” I now show her to my new apartment which she has never set foot unlike my other apartment where she would be there every other week.

“Oh wow it’s beautiful, I love what you have done with the boxes it adds a uniqueness to the whole place.” Penny jokes, and I elbow her gently in the side.
“I haven’t had a chance to unpack.”
“What have you been doing for the last week, hon?” She asks me seriously with that look in her eyes, the look of worry in her bright green eyes.
“Nothing.”
“Honey have you been...”
“Yes Penny I have been taking my pill, I have been writing in my journal and I have been seeing Dr Anderson. I’m fine okay.” I answer before she can even finish speaking.
“Riley, you don’t seem fine. If I had been through what you have I wouldn’t exactly be fine.” She says, placing her hand on my thigh comforting me as we sit on the couch covered in plastic wrapping.
“Okay maybe I’m not feeling great. But I won’t do it again.” I whisper slowly digging my nails into my palms. Perhaps I’m just lying to her and myself.
“How about I help you unpack it looks like you could do with the help.” She attempts to change the mood.
“Okay.” I say, and she give me a weak smile which I reciprocate. I grab the closest to me and rip into it with a box cutter that has been lying on the coffee table. Photo albums, photos that have been taken over the course of my whole life are sitting in this box, photos of what used to be good times that I now reflect on and feel immense sorrow.  I don’t even take anything out I just close it back up and grab another box. I look over to Penny to see her sorting and folding clothes. I just grab a box labelled kitchen stuff and rip into it.

Do you ever get that feeling of complete and utter despair when you’re left all alone after spending hours with? That feeling of emptiness when you wave them goodbye and watch them drive off. After they live you are left all alone with your thoughts. Loneliness used to be one of my biggest fears when I was younger. However it feels like I spend my most my time alone. 

I go to my bedroom to see my cupboard full of clothes folded and some hung on the hanger. I skim my hands through the clothes on the hanger touching each article of clothing feeling the individual fabrics. I then spot a dress that brings back to many memories. It has been worn through way to many good time with people who I no longer even speak to.

< 9 months ago >

My arms wrap around him as we sway slowly to the soft tune that is playing. I close my eyes taking in all the goodness from this moment. Right in this moment I feel complete, I feel happy, at ease. I wish this moment of bliss could last forever.
“I love you so much Riley Jenner.” He kisses me softly our bodies still moving to the beat of the music.
“I love you more Jakob Belmore.” I smile at him.
“When I first met you, you were wearing that beautiful red dress. I remember that night all too well, my nerves went through the roof when I first met you I panicked complete and said a stupid pick up line. I said, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? You then replied with, no but it hurt when I climbed back up from hell. And as soon those words escaped your mouth I knew I wanted to get to know you better. And it’s been a year since we started dating and I love you so much it hurts. You continue to light up my life every single day that I am with you. You inspire me with your strength, kindness and selflessness everyday. And I have decided that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so Riley Eliza Jenner will you marry me.” He bends down on one knee and reveals a big diamond ring, tears make their way down my cheeks and before thinking twice I explode with my answer.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!  I will marry you Jakob!” I exclaim and he slides the ring onto my finger. This is one of the happiest days of my life.

< Present Day >

As I look back on this memory, I remember how happy I was. But I now my memory of him, Jakob has changed so much since that day. I now remember him as the selfish jerk who broke my heart into a million little pieces. A lot has changed. People I loved so much are no longer a part of my life and I’m still trying to figure out why half of them left me. I find it hurts more when I haven’t been given a reason for their disappearance. But I guess that’s life, people come and go.

Thank you for reading the second chapter of change, please give some honest feedback. And I hope you'll have a lovely day.
- love Ruby.