C H A N G E

{5}

{5}

7am at the beach, a perfect morning. The radiant sun pours down on me, illuminating my light olive skin, my wavy brown locks blow around in the wind. I soak up the sunlight like a reptile. I can feel the warm grains of sand in between my toes. I just feel so peaceful and calm as I let the sun calm my nerves. I take a deep breath taking in the serenity while I can still enjoy it. As I close my eyes I hear the all too familiar sound of a camera lens capturing me in all my innocence. I open my eyes to see a couple of paparazzi from a couple metres away.

"Riley! Riley Jenner tell us is it true? Is it true you are actually covering up a drug addiction?"
"Riley can you confirm or deny that your friend Demi is in a relationship or not?"
"Riley can you tell us the real reason why you're quitting music?"

They all shout as I begin to stand up and pack up my towel.

"I know this is your job and I respect the fact that this is what you do for a living. But really have you stooped this low to stalk me down to my local beach to try accuse and ask me about things that are blatant lies. It ridiculous. Just please leave me the fuck alone before I call the police." I speak bravely before turning away from them walking back to my apartment. I can hear them still calling my name out as I walk away. I try to ignore them as my heart feels like it might just pop out of chest.

Breathe. Riley. Breathe. In and out. Simple.

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I pull my pony tail tighter before I step foot into the little campus café. I see Aspen sitting there chatting and laughing her head off with Sydney. I take a deep breath and then attempt to push the door only realising that it says Pull. Of course I am already making a fool of myself before I even enter the café.
"Hey Rye! Glad you could make it. You know with your big celebrity drug addiction and all." Aspen jokes handing me a tabloid.
"Oh those fucking assholes. It was only just yesterday I had my encounter with them and already this is out. I don't know where the hell they got the idea that I have a drug addiction." Today I have chosen to go with the angry approach and not the anxiety approach to this sort of situation. I flick through the tabloid to see a photo of me at my local pharmacy buying anti-depressants.
"Douchebags." I whisper under my breathe as I shove the tabloid into my purse.
"Anyway. We were thinking of going to a party tonight and we were wondering would you allow us to do the honor of taking you to your first college party." Sydney says breaking the awkward silence.
"Well I don't know if I am ready for that yet besides I'm babysitting my brother's kids tonight."
"Oh please Riley. It'll be so much fun. I'm sure they can find another sitter." Aspen pleads with me.
"Okay maybe but only if my brother can find a sitter." I say and they all smile happily.
"Yes Okay he better get another sitter because we are all totally getting wasted!" Sydney announces slightly loudly gaining the attention of a few other customers.
"I can't fucking wait!" Aspen exclaims resembling the same volume of Sydney.
"Even if I did go I would just be third wheeling you love birds the whole time." I mention quickly before they have the chance to get even more excited.
"Well Mason will be there and so will our other friend Marco. And I may be extremely gay and in love with Aspen but those two boys are very good looking and very very very single. So please come." Sydney begs me.
"Maybe." They both look equally annoyed with my undecided answer.
"Aspen and I have to go to this thing so hopefully we'll see you at the party." Sydney says in a more normal tone packing up all her stuff.

"Yeah I'll text one of you if I'm coming." I say as they stand up.
"Okay sounds good."
"Bye." Wave goodbye almost in unison.

Home sweet home, no I am not back in Atlanta. But in fact my apartment it is starting to finally feel like home. There aren't boxes lined up against walls or dinner sets still in bubble wrap. My hallways are plastered with family photos and my mother's paintings. Each and everyone one of them makes me smile as I walk past them so full of life and colour. She put so much effort into every single brush stroke she did even if it was while she was having strong body destroying medication pumping through her bloodstream. Even in the most depressing and painful of times my mother was still such an optimist and I loved her so much for that. It's like she lit up everything she touched with her strength and optimism. But right now I don't think I can be as strong as she was through her life. I guess I better just fake it till I make it.

I admire myself in the mirror, I don't look the same as I used to. The dress holds onto me tighter than it used to. I don't look bad but I don't feel as though I look good. I look average and for once that doesn't feel like such a bad thing. I slip into my torturous matching rose gold four inch stilettos. I give myself a last second touch up applying some powder and hair spray to my luscious locks. I give myself an encouraging smile before I grab my clutch. I guess its time to go out and party like a normal twentysomething. I look down again at the address I have scrawled down on a piece of paper.

The music that is pumping through the house is audible from the inside of my car as I pull in front of the huge mansion. I hope to god this is the right party. Turning the engine off I gather all my mental strength to get out of the car.

Come on Riley, it's only a party. Surely these people are already too drunk to recognise you. It'll be okay. Aspen said you can leave at any time.

I attempt to walk confidently up the footpath towards the dark oak double doors, I knock on the door and stand back waiting for them to open it. A group of guys carrying six packs and packets of chips.
"Ayy!! Jacko! Open up mate! We brought beer!" One of them calls out standing next to me. I all of a sudden lose my confidence as they all start looking me up and down. Finally this so called 'Jacko' opens the double doors.
"Welcome Lads Kitchens out back! And welcome to the party of the year gorgeous." He says letting me in I give him a weak smile then walk past him. I wonder where the hell my new friends are. I look around and finally see Aspen and Sydney dancing I waltz over to the two quickly.
"Yes! You came Riley!" Sydney yells and hugs me clearly a little bit tipsy already.
"Yeah tonight is going to be pretty epic."
"Oh so I've heard."