C H A N G E

{7}

{7}

Better. That's how he makes me feel.

Normal. That's how he makes me feel.

Safe. That's how he makes me feel.

Mason's hand is slouched across my shoulder as the closing credits of friends rolls down my flat screen, this is the umpteenth episode we have finished today. I swear I could sit here on my couch with mason forever and ever. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on my forehead before removing his arm from my body.
"Where are you going?" I whisper as if my question was a secret no one is meant to find out.
"Back to my dorm. I have to go study. I have an exam tomorrow morning." He whispers at the same volume as me.
"Okay. Call me later." I say, standing up next to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"I will." He says finally at a normal volume, then he is gone and I am once again alone.

I have just spent the whole day, with the best person. Yet now I feel just as sad as I did when woke up with the worst hangover ever recorded in history. My brain now retreats to the thought of Jakob, Mason did a very good job of distracting me but now it is time for me to deal with this. I can't just hide away the thought of him until I hear his name and then breakdown. That's not healthy. Talking about being healthy I grab a pill out of my pill holder and swallow it quickly dry. Guess I should also check in with my diary as well since I'm trying to get my mental health into order. I walk down the hall to my bedroom slowly trying to remember anything from last night.
"Come on Riley! Think. You couldn't have been that drunk." I say to myself as I swing my bedroom door open seeing my Jade journal lying face down open. Well I guess this is the moment of truth, how fucking drunk was I last night?

Heyy Diary,

It's Riley. Your favourite girl, tonight has been so much fun. Me and Mason have been having so much fun. Iike we have been have done so many shots and there was so much beer and like really good music. Don't tell anyone but me and mason got a little naughty. We kissed for a while. It was like so good and now he's at my house and I can't believe it. But he is a little mean he made me leave the party cause apparently I'm too drunk. And I also saw asshole face who I was supposed to marry but we broke up ages ago just in case you didn't know yeah and he is the one who knocked me up because he is a dick. Well I had so much fun like seriously I should go to more parties. I think I should go cos I think I might be sick. So bye I love you and be a good girl and not tell anyone.

Love Rileyyyy xoxox.

Oh god, someone please make sure I hide my diary before I go out next time. I hope Ryan never saw this while he was over because I would have a lot of explaining to do. I decide to close my journal and take the things that will probably help better than me reading what my drunk self, wrote. I swallow the two pills dry before lying back on my bed, thinking of all the stress slowly impending on me.

After logging into my laptop my fingers start to type furiously at the keyboard quickly finishing my essay on fetal development. Believe it or not I got through the whole essay with no tears. Even though losing Lily was traumatic, I have to get on with my life. And being a nurse is what will be in my life in a couple years. I want to help people, people like my mum and people just like me.

Myhome phone starts to ring in the kitchen, I hop up to pick it up quickly.
"Yes Penny, what do you want?" I speak cheekily into the phone.
"That is no way to speak to your sister-in-law but I was just wondering howlast night was."
"It was eventful." I say truthfully.
"Well I hope you're not going to have another eventful night next Saturday nightcause Matt and I have an engagement party to go to and I don't trust the teenagetwins to look after my babies so will you please come over for the night andlook after them all." She speaks so fast I can only just understand what she issaying
"Well I'm pretty sure I'm free next Saturday I'll let you know if anythingcomes up."
"Okay thank you, so how was the party?"
"It was great, but I can't really remember much. Too many shots." I laugh.
"So any boys?" Of course as soon as she asks that I start to get a call fromMason on my mobile.
"Yes actually and he's calling me now." I smile to myself, he can't last acouple hours without me.
"Oh good job Riley, you should probably get it." I can just imagine hersmirking right now.
"No, its okay we actually spent most the day together it's probably nothing." Isay letting it ring out. "Oh wow, so do you think this could escalate into a seriousrelationship." I questions.
"I don't know, I've only known him for not too long, we've just kissed a coupletimes." I confess.
"Go Riley, getting back into the game!" She cheers enthusiastically.
"What game is she getting into?" I can hear Matt ask.
"The dating game honey." She whispers to him.
"Oh god. Tell her to be careful of assholes." I hear is deep voice eruptthrough the phone again.
"No I'm telling her that, now piss off I'm trying to have a conversation." Shesays quietly trying to make sure I won't here there conversation, which she is ultimatelyfailing at.
"So how are you and Matt going?" I ask changing the subject.
"Well you know having three of our own kids plus having your two sibling, therecan be quite a bit of tension. But we're going to couples counselling, so its gettingbetter." I can imagine her faking a smile behind the phone trying to be happy, Ican just tell by the tone of her voice.
"I didn't know it had gotten that bad? Do you guys need any help with anything?"
"Oh its not bad, don't worry about it and you already help out with the kids alot. I would love to talk longer but I've got to go. One of my many children iscrying out for me." She says as I hear a toddler screaming.
"Okay good luck."
"Bye, I love you."
"Love you too Penny." 

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Hey guys, I'm sorry this took forever to write and it isn't very good but I hope you still liked, its a bit of a filler chapter. So sorry if its boring and to make it even worse this isn't edited either so please don't hate me.

- Love Ruby