The Breakup Girl

Chapter Nine

I hadn't talked to Todd in a week. In Algebra, I would pay attention to Mrs. Rue and avoid looking at him. When the bell rang, I would gather my binders and books as quick as possible and leave without waiting for him. At gym, I never passed him the ball. At lunch, I turned my back to his table. And when he texted me, I never answered.

I didn't want him to think he did something wrong, and I didn't want to tell him the whole 'it's not you, it's me,' cliché. I just didn't want to fall for him as hard as I did for Brandon.

It wouldn't be fair to Todd, either, knowing that I still had and always would have feelings for Brandon.

I was changing my mind everyday. One day, I was into Todd and didn't even think of Brandon. Then a day later I would find myself crying over Brandon once again, remembering all the memories that would drift farther away day by day.

That was why I just wanted to leave Todd alone. I didn't want to get hurt, and I didn't want to hurt him either.

On Thursday, I was getting ready to make my classroom escape from Algebra when Mrs. Rue had to ruin my life and tell the class that we could talk quietly before the bell rang.

I knew that Todd was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. Anything. I heard him take a breath, and his voice became soft.

"Paige, what did I do?" he breathed.

My face was pained as I looked over at him. His blue eyes looked so intent- watery even- and I had to look away before the tears would start dripping from my eyes.

"Please don't blame yourself, Todd. It's my fault. It always is. I don't know if you know this, but I ruin everything."

The bell rang and I gathered my books.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, and I left out the door.

My feet felt heavy as I walked. The hallway was clustered since many people were on their way to lunch. I was in the back of the huge glob of students. I waited patiently, though I wanted to just burst through the crowd to get away.

That was when I felt a tug on my arm. I turned around and saw Todd. He pulled me away from the crowd, first by my arm, but then slowly taking my hand. My heart was beating fast.

"Paige, I just need to know if you ever liked me. I don't understand how things could change that fast."

"I did," I nodded my head fast, but then my voice turned to a whisper when I said, "I still do."

"Then why have you been ignoring me?" his eyebrows scrunched together.

"Because I didn't want to get hurt- which sounds so selfish- and I didn't want to hurt you."

"Why would you be afraid? You think that I'm going to wake up one day and not be there anymore? I'm not like that, Paige. Not like Brandon."

I looked at my feet and closed my eyes.

"How did you know about that?" I whispered.

"The guys always used to say things about it. I had no idea what they were talking about, so I asked Tyler. He told me."

I didn't answer. Todd knew, but how much did he know? How much did the story change? The boys still talked about it? In a way, I found that as a relief. I thought that I was the only person who remembered, feeding off of the memories. The past didn't die, it was still there, and I wasn't the only person who remembered it.

"Look, I know that you'll always have feelings for him. I get that, really. But I like you too, a lot," Todd continued.

I looked up into his eyes, and then it just kind of happened. He kissed me. How many times I thought about kissing Brandon, wondering how it would feel. But there I was. I opened my eyes, and it wasn't Brandon. It was someone who really did care about me. It was someone who made me happy again.

It was Todd.