Fix me. (Miniminter)

Housewarming.

I see everybody standing and waiting for me to walk inside, I couldn't help but smile even though I felt extremely uncomfortable. In the space of only a few weeks I've gained an amazing group of friends that obviously care about me so much, almost as much as I care about them.

I hold my hands over my mouth and nose, breaking into tears once more, happy tears. Ethan shortly after walking straight up to me giving me a big bear hug. "Hey neighbour." He laughed, which I chuckled at.

The whole room had been transformed from what it looked like ten minutes ago when I came to visit before, there were banners and balloons, a few speakers dotted around the room and a wide range of drinks on the kitchen table. It was going to be a good night.

I still had in the back of my mind that Simon see's us as a couple, I don't. I really don't want a relationship right now. I can't get attached to someone else, I just can't.

I notice Chris in the corner of the room drinking from a red cup, he had his arms crossed and was leaning against a wall, not taking his eyes off me and Simon. I could honestly say I was scared of him, I don't remember him how he is now, he's changed. I just don't know what into yet.

I walk inside before Simon and sit down on the sofa with Josh and another lovely girl. "Hey!" He smiled, pulling me in for a hug. "This is my girlfriend Freya." He said referring to her. I smiled towards her and shook her hand, "Nice to meet you, I'm Chloe." I told her. She smiled in response and rested her hand on Josh's knee. "I've heard so much about you, I'm so sorry about your loss. This must be hard times for you." She said bringing up my parents, which I'd rather she didn't. I don't want to put myself in a bad mood.

"Thankyou." I reply bluntly ending the depressing conversation. Simon walks behind me and hands me a red cup filled with beer I believe. "Thanks." I smiled to him, he then walked around the sofa and sat next to me, he attempted to put his arm over my shoulders before I pulled it away, looking up to him. I knew I shouldn't have done it, he looked so awkward. Like I've just told someone something embarrassing about him. He just cleared his throat and rested his hands in his lap.

"Lets get this party started!" JJ shouts from a few metres away switching on the speakers, playing FWB a bit too loud. I just rolled my eyes and turned around to see Chris, leaning down to talk to me. "Can I talk to you for a second please?" He asked resting his hand on my shoulder. I think about it for a second and stand up patting Simons knee, leaving him with Josh and Freya. I follow Chris towards the now empty kitchen as he turned to talk to me.

"Too close." I told him and pushed him back a few feet. He just took a deep breathe and looked back up to me.

"Look I'm sorry okay? Even for what happened years ago, to what happened a few weeks ago. I just want to be friends. I don't know what took over me at the bowling alley, please forgive me?" He asked. I just rolled my eyes and push him back even further. Chris was the only person that I didn't give a shit about showing myself up to, I don't care about impressing him.

"You think that just saying sorry will fix anything?" I tell him slightly louder, crossing my arms over my chest. "What can I do?!" He replies. I think to myself a little.

"You want me to forgive you? Prove to me that you've changed." I tell him, I wasn't going to tell him how. He would have to figure it out himself. I push past him and walk back into the living room area, seeing everyone setting up a 'twister' sheet on the floor.

"Oh dear god." I laugh and sit down on the sofa at the side of the room they cleared out for space. I decided I didn't want to play but most other people did, except Simon. He sat on the same sofa as me just as far away from me as possible, drink in his hand on his phone. I frown and look over to him. "You okay?" I asked as he looked up to me and gave me a weak smile. "Yeah, fine." He wasn't as touchy feely as he was 10 minutes prior. Was it something I did?

I just sit down and grab another beer in the process watching everybody else continue their game of twister.

It was quite awkward between me and Simon throughout the last hour, he didn't speak to me as much as he would have done before, I hated it.

Everybody else had finished playing and were all having a great time, I noticed Chris walking up to me and sitting in-between me and Simon. He turned and talked to Simon normally, as if I wasn't even there, obviously taunting me.

I just sigh and stand up walking to the kitchen to pour myself a drink, a small cup of whiskey, downing the small amount of liquid and then pouring another. I was starting to feel a little tipsy as the alcohol burns the back of my throat, looking over to Simon and Chris chatting, everybody around me in their own conversations.

I finish my drink and walk over to Simon, sitting on the sofa leg and wrapping my arm around his broad shoulders. I knew I was giving him mixed signals right now, but I didn't really care. Whenever he is affectionate towards me I push him away, but whenever he isn't I crave his touch. Whats wrong with me.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? In private?" I asked Simon, signalling for Chris to leave, which he did a few seconds later. I take Simons hand and walk him around the corner to the bathroom, nobody would come in here hopefully. I walk inside and lock the door, turning back and facing him with a sigh.

I look up to him and cross my arms, then breaking eye contact for a few seconds. "I'm going to be honest with you Simon, I like you. I'm not even going to deny that. But I don't think that a relationship is good for me right no-" I was cut off by his soft lips against mine, his hands snaking down my waist to my hips, his broad shoulders towering above mine as he takes control. My heart race was increasing, my arms wrapped around his neck as I kissed back, I could taste the alcohol in his breath.

He kissed me as if I was a fragile piece of glass, so softly. As if he didn't want to break me. I closed my eyes and moved my hands up to his cheeks, the small amount of stubble just around his jawbone tickling the palms of my hands.

I pull him away slowly and look him straight in the eye, our faces just under and inch apart. I was breathing heavy, as was he. My hands still resting on his jawline as his rested on my hips. Our bodies tightly together as if there was rope around us both.

"I can't, I'm too broken. I don't want to lose you." I whisper, a lump forming in the back of my throat, my eyes threatening to water.

He just pecks my lips once more, "I can fix you, please let me in." He asked, I take a few steps back. What am I doing. I came in here to tell him I didn't want this, but I do. Do I? Am I in love? Or am I in love with the idea of love? Everything so twisted. What is he doing to me?

I walk backwards towards the door and rush out into the crowd of people, leaving Simon in the bathroom by himself.

I try to manoeuvre my way through the seemingly endless sea of sweaty bodies towards Ethan.

"Hi honey, thank you so much for the party I'm gonna have to go now, thanks again." I simply state giving him a short lived hug and rushing out of the front door towards my flat. I shakily take the keys from my pocket that Simon had handed me a few hours prior and unlock the door with an unsteady hand, dropping the keys a few times. I walk inside and kick my shoes off walking straight towards the bedroom that Simon showed me, I couldn't seem to get him off my mind.

I laid down on the bed and let myself fall into a flood of tears, my makeup running all over the new white sheets, I've cried too much today. I don't want feelings, I don't even know what I want, I'm too messed up. How could anyone want this mess of emotions, I'm falling apart. I turn and notice a photo frame with a picture of me and Simon on the day of the bowling 'date'. We looked so happy, I wish I could just go back to that moment, but thats never going to happen.

I cried myself to sleep that night, a little bit drunk, and a bit too emotional.

I missed him, and I knew that was dangerous.

(Wow I actually updated on time for once, I spent a while on this chapter. It's probably my favourite one so far. I was given inspiration from a Sia song, the music video is a better representation. If you want to listen to it here's the link: https://youtu.be/KWZGAExj-es)