Dragon Age Fan Fiction

Bad Luck

I seem to have the worst luck.
Many would argue, I suppose, considering how far I'd come in the world.
I'd survived the Blight, I rose up from the slums of the city of Kirkwall and bought my ancestral family's home, I was now a wealthy Ferelden refugee, paving the way for others of my kind.
And yet....
If I could change everything to have my family back, I would.
I lost my sister first, when the darkspawn, the demonic creatures of the Blight, were attacking my home, my father much before then. It had just been me, Mother, and my brother Carver then, trying to make our way to Kirkwall, where the last bit of our family remained, our only chance.
It hadn't been grand the first few years, surviving in the slums, being in survitude to pay off debts, but we'd made it.
Or I did, I suppose.
I wish I'd never heard of that expedition, that we'd never went. We'd gone underground, into the Deep Road, built by dwarves centuries ago, full of riches and the monstrosities guarding them.
What's a little risk for a little gain, right? What could possibly go wrong?
A lot.
My brother died down there, he never came back, I lost him, I couldn't protect him. What was the point of power and money if you don't have family to share it with?
Mother didn't blame me, but I did. I should have been a better big sister to him, watched after him better, not let him go --- not let him charge off into battle and....
He's gone now.
And now Mother.
To die in such a way, thanks to those bloody mages... to have your head placed on another's body, like some kind of freak monster, to only be able to survive because of magic ----.
She hadn't deserved that, not Mother.
Magic seems to be the doom of my family.
I have my friends, they've been close, offering what comfort they can to me, but nothing will replace what I've lost.
Nothing will bring my family back.
To have so many friends, companions, I still feel so alone. There's just an empty ache in my chest, memories that won't leave me alone, not all of them happy.
I had to watch all of them die and know I was helpless to stop it.
Useless.
All that power and money, what did it so for me?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
"Hawke."
My head raised as I heard his deep voice, and my eyes roved to where Fenris stood in my doorway, his shock of white hair almost glowing in the darkness.
He'd been a slave once to a cruel master, one who had tattooed his skin in lyrium, and the markings glow against his skin, faint and barely noticeable. The process had been so painful he'd lost his memories of his life before it, he can't remember anything before being a slave.
Perhaps his luck is even worse then mine.
I let my eyes wander to his, finding them as cold and unreadable as always.
"Fenris." I stand slowly, gazing at him. I like him, although we never used to see eye to eye on anything. We disagree constantly, I'm not quite sure how were even still friends.
"I'm sorry... about your mother." He says after a moment, looking away; he isn't one much for sentiment, or anything to do with an emotion that isn't anger or hatred. "I know it must be.... hard."
"Thank you, Fenris. I'll cope." I say as I start to him, crossing my arms when I'm near enough. "Is there anything else?"
He's just standing there in his armor, uncomfortable.
"Yes. I.... I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana... how I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so. I was not myself, I'm sorry."
Oh, that, I'd almost forgotten. His former masters right hand, Hadriana, one of his tormentors. She'd come after him, and he'd killed her.
Despite giving her his word he wouldn't.
"I had no idea where you went," I say after a moment, stepping a little closer so I could see his face. He'd just disappeared on me, without explanation. "I was concerned."
"I needed to be alone." Fenris looks away, his eyes sweeping blindly across the room behind me. "When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. Because of her status, I was powerless to respond, and she knew it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp," he clenched his jaw, his tattoos glowing brighter with his anger. "I couldn't let her go. I wanted too, but I couldn't."
I couldn't say I blamed him, I wasn't sure that I wouldn't have done the same in his shoes.
I hesitate, then step a little closer, looking up at him. He's one of the most handsome elves I've ever met, his ears long and pointed, his body slim yet muscled from years of slavery and fighting.
I don't understand how someone could be so cruel to him, or anyone for that matter.
"This hate," he says, drawing my eyes back to his. "I thought I'd gotten away from it, but it dogs me no matter where I go. To feel it again, to know it was they who planted it inside me, it was too much to bear." He shakes his head, sighing as he starts to turn away. "But I didn't come here to burden you further."
"It's not a burden." I say, suddenly not wanting him to leave, suddenly needing him to stay. "You don't need to leave, Fenris."
I reach for him, my cool fingers closing against his warm skin.
He reacts immediately, turning so quickly I almost didn't see him, his hands wrapping around my upper arms as he forces me back into the wall, his tattoos suddenly burning brightly.
He looks startled at himself, his eyes meeting mine, hands tightening for a fraction of a second before he starts to step away.
No, Fenris ---.
I didn't want him to step away.
I didn't think about it, I just caught his shoulders, jerking him back to me so my lips could meet his own.
His respond instantly, conquering mine, warm and demanding, just like I'd thought they'd be.
I couldn't say I wasn't attracted to Fenris, it's impossible not to be, he's just.... complicated. Tormented, perhaps is a better word.
But at least I know he's not uninterested.
I turn, shoving him back against the wall, muffling the soft gasp of his lips with my own as I press my body up against his, feeling his hands close around my waist before exploring lower, pulling me tighter against him.
I kiss him greedily, knowing I might not get another chance, that he could push me away at any moment, suddenly come to his senses.
I don't want him too.
I want to feel his burning skin against my own, run my fingers down his back, through his hair without him pulling away from me. I want to kiss him everywhere, on every inch of his tattoos until he realizes he doesn't --- that he ---.
Fenris groans against my lips, his long fingers tangling in my dark hair and pulling until he can kiss my neck, teeth nipping just hard enough to bruise.
I bite my lip, tugging on his armor, taking a step back as I kick my bedroom door shut. I pull him forward, walking backward, already working on his chest plate, his belt --- the sound of them hitting my floor has never been so satisfying.
I don't want to waste time, I don't want to give him the opportunity to decide that he doesn't want me. One night with him, one good memory before my bad luck catches up with me again --- that's all I want.
For now, anyway.
His lips claim mine as I rid him of most of his armor, forceful and demanding, already working on my clothing.
His fingers are nimble, efficient as he undresses me --- he's as eager as I am.
My clothes pool at my feet, my arms snaking around his neck as I press my bare chest into his, his hands now closing over my bare skin.
His tongue is taking the control away from mine, and he has no idea how many times I'd thought about being with him, had even hinted only to be blown off.
One night....
My back suddenly presses against the sheets of my bed, his lips on my neck as he crawls over me, the rest of his clothes tangled with mine. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of his lips brushing my skin, his tongue leaving cold trails down to my chest.
I shift as his lips close around my breast, his nails digging into my thigh as he draws my leg up his waist, my skin flushing.
I gave myself up to the sensation of his body touching mine, his lean, hard muscles against my soft curves, the feel of his hands caressing my skin so gently.
I'm burning for him, his every touch bringing out a reaction, his every kiss and lick, every harsh nip and soft murmur making my body writhe until I'm so hot and throbbing it almost hurts.
I'm under his control, and I doubt he even knows it.
I need him, I need his body in mine, distracting me for this one night. I need his soft kisses, just to pretend that he cares for me, just for once to have someone share my bed and not regret it later.
I kiss him deeply, arching closer to him, moaning as his fingers find the heat between my thighs. I shift immediately as one digit slips inside my core, finding me wet and so very ready for him.
I pull urgently at his hair, squeezing my eyes shut as he kisses my throat, finally dragging a moan out of me as he incites a fire inside my body, stroking it, feeding it until I feel like I'm going to explode, my thighs attempting to clench as the throbbing, aching sensation between them starts to become too much, too overwhelming.
"Fenris!" I gasp, my nails digging into his marked shoulder, my lips pressing tightly together as I try to be quiet. He chuckles, the deep, rare rumble in his chest finally what sends me over the edge. His lips catch mine as I cum against his talented fingers, muffling my groan as my body jerks and trembles.
He's murmuring in my ear, but I don't understand Elven, I only know a few snippets of words. Still, I understand the husky tone, my body instinctively reacting.
I need him.
Now!
I reach between us quickly, closing my hand around the hard length pressing against my thigh, tentatively running my fingers up and down his shaft until he groans; wow, no wonder elves tend to have so many children, he's an impressive size to be so slim.
I just need him a little more eager.
"Fenris, please," I whisper, brushing my lips along his jaw, widening my thighs entrancingly. "Please."
"You will be the death of me," he mumbles, and kisses me one more time as his hands close around my thighs, drawing them wider as he settles firmly between them.
I gasp as he's inside of me in one long thrust, parting my folds mercilessly, without anymore warning. I moan, letting my head fall back in pleasure as he begins to move, his tattooed fingers finding mine, pressing them down beside me.
It's the most amazing feeling, him inside of me, his body brushing mine with every thrust, his glowing skin the only light in the dark of the room.
I've never been one for being quiet, but Fenris doesn't seem to mind, groaning himself, thrusting harder and deeper inside of me until the bed begins to move with the force, my fingers clinging to him, my lips begging him for more, for harder.
I can feel it building again, the tightening in my stomach, the pleasure making my toes curl. I tightened my hold on him, wanting closer, his breath hot against my shoulder as he complies, giving me what I want, the hand between my thighs making sure I get what I need.
He groans as I cry out, my hips arching up to meet his as I lose my grip on reality for a few seconds, everything dark and shifting.
He kisses me, his hand cupping my jaw, holding me still so he can conquer my lips.
One night with him --- it's already more then I expected it to be.
I cling to him, kissing the white lines on his skin that I can reach, his thrusts becoming harder and more out of rhythm, his grip on my body tightening.
He groans as he reaches his end, mumbling more Elvish in my ear as he presses into me, my thighs tightening around his hips as I feel him release inside of me.
We're both panting, our skin slick with sweat, lips swollen from heavy kisses --- I can barely keep my eyes open, but I try, I want to remember every second of this, I don't want to miss anything.
Fenris rests his forehead against mine, my eyes ghosting up to meet his, the green depths soft.
I brush at his soft hair, holding him close, giving him what comfort and closeness I can.
Oh, Fenris.....
~~~~~
I'm cold.
I wake slowly, my fingers reaching out, only to find empty, cold sheets.
"Fenris?" I force my eyes to open, hesitating at the empty space beside me, my head turning.
Fenris hesitates where he stands in front of the roaring fire, dressed as he gazes into the flames.
"Was it that bad?" I joked as I rubbed my eyes, sitting up slowly as he turns to face me, pulling the sheets to my chest.
"I'm sorry, it's not.... it was fine," he says quickly, looking away.
Fine?
Ouch.
"No. That is... insufficient," he turns quickly to look at me. "It was better then I could have dreamed."
Oh.
I flush, my eyes drawing down, ghosting across his bright markings; the process to get them is painful, and it wasn't something he'd asked for.
"Your markings... they hurt, don't they?"
"It's not that." He sighs, looking down. "It's began to remember, my life before, just for a moment. Flashes." He starts to pace, suddenly restless, almost muttering too softly for me to hear. "It was just --- too fast, I cannot do this."
What?
"Your life before --- what do you mean?" His life? Did his memories return?
"I've never remembered anything from before the ritual." He shakes his head, looking at his markings. "There were --- faces, words. For just a moment I could recall all of it. And then it slipped away."
His fists clench.
"Don't you want to get your memories back?" I ask hesitantly, suddenly unsure. I've never seen him like this, so flustered, bothered. Angry, hateful, those are his norms, not --- this.
"Perhaps you don't realize how upsetting this is; I've never remembered anything, and to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it... I can't." He looks up at me. "I can't."
"We can work through this," I say, shifting forward.
"I'm sorry," he sighs, shaking his head, almost.... pained. "I feel like such a fool. All I wanted was to be happy, just... for a little while."
"Fenris...."
He turns away from me, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he walks away. "Forgive me."
I don't say a word as he leaves, just sit there, tightly holding the sheet against my chest.
I guess my bad luck isn't just my own.