Reckless Love

prologue

The falls of 2015 just began, this is by far my favourite part of the year, the cold air numbing your skin with every breeze, the settled snow crunching under your feet as it folds together with every step you take the sound is satisfying like brown crunchy leaves, Halloween-children in cute little outfits, pumpkins and scary movies. All of this just before the brilliant Christmas!! I can almost smell the pigs in blankets as I think about dinner.

I'm Elena Gilbert.

I sit in front of the window each morning/evening writing logs of how my day went or how I hope my day would go. They call it 'therapeutic' I call it reminding yourself of how shitty your day went.

'1.10.15
Dear Diary

Today is just the beginning of a new day, new week, new month of a new year of school.

Can I really walk through the halls of that place knowing all eyes could possibly turn towards me? at least my anxiety tells me that would happen. Today I will smile, even if it isn't real......'

It would actually be a miracle if maybe one day I woke up happy for the day ahead to unfold.

"Elena breakfast is ready" the familiar sound of my father echo's up the stairs. do I even want breakfast? it better be good and at least look appetizing dads not exactly perfect at making food I imagine he would burn cereals if it was possible. I trudge down the steps the new carpet feels so soft under my feet, so glad I chose the colour else dad would have us a bright mustard colour I mean how disgusting.

I can smell the delightful smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen, lets just hope they're cooked. Don't get me wrong dad tries his best but he isn't exactly mum when it comes to cooking/cleaning or being the boss of the house. I guess we're all just lost without mum.

"Good morning sweetie" not today dad there's nothing good about this morning. mum is supposed to be here serving breakfast as a family taking ugly mug shot photo of us for our first day at a new year at school but here we are just me and dad on this shitty morning because my brother doesn't stay anymore. I ignore my feeling paste some excuse of a smile on my face and just respond with a simple "morning dad" as I sit at the table and pour some maple syrup on the pancakes before throwing on some chopped up bananas and strawberries literally my favourite breakfast meal.

A little after breakfast and I have almost finished getting myself ready for the torturous day ahead my phone begins its bleeping indicating someone is trying to call me, its probably Yas.

"hello" I say half enthusiastic "Elena hey I'm outside I thought I could give you a ride to school" she's sounding chirpy "of course yeah ill be down in a minute I'm just gonna grab whatever I will need for the day". Yas has been the main person who has been there for me since everything happened we've been friends since forever I guess I could class her as some kind of sister, I made sure I had the essentials a girl will need, a few pens/pencils and a note pad and I was ready I shouted bye to my dad to let him know I had left and got into Yas' car her beaming smile always reassuring me I'm okay without even words.

"how is he, your dad?" she dares ask oh he's fine its almost like he is oblivious to everything he is in need of a slap "he's doing okay, its Jer who has lost the plot" I sigh thinking of the effects its had on Jeremy compared to my dad, I hope one day soon he will let me in and open up to me rather than getting high all the time. "yeah I saw Jeremy this morning while I was on my way to come and get you, he seemed pretty spaced" she frowned a little but made sure she kept her eyes on the road and I just left the conversation there I don't really feel like talking about this.

School could drag but I guess as long as I have my closest friend throughout the day I will be just fine, after all I have began to master this 'smile' of mine. Entering school wasn't as bad as I imagined I guess my nerves won the fight and got to me, I made it through the halls with people saying the odd 'hey Elena' or the odd sympathetic smile all the way to History class I mean come on the world doesn't evolve around me everyone has their own lives to get on with however it does seem like I've came back from the longest vacation ever known. "Elena you're back, unlike your brother? its nice to see you" I turn my head to see all eyes on me and then on the empty desk where he should be sitting, way to get everyone staring at me Mr Saltzman. I couldn't sink more into my seat if I tried!.