migraine - joshler

Chapter Twenty Seven™

That night was just like any other night this week. I was unable to sleep and I had trouble breathing. The only thing I was managing to do fully was see the despairing image of Mikey dead on his bathroom floor. That image was stuck in my head. I read over the note from the box of blades over and over again and each time it brought tears to my eyes. I eventually started crying. The tears streamed down my face like a waterfall. It was hard for me to cry without getting really emotional.

This was because every night three years ago for eight months, I cried myself to sleep every night. I cut my arms, my legs, I tried to kill myself. But guess who helped me get through it? Mikey. And now I feel like a failure for letting Mikey get this bad. He was there to help me, and I haven't been there to help him. He used to seem so happy. Now I feel like all this is my fault. No matter how many times I read the note saying 'this isn't your fault' I couldn't help but feel like it WAS my fault.

I stayed awake all night, messaging Mikeys phone, even though I knew he wasn't going to answer, as he was still in hospital. I decided to see if Brendon and Gerard were awake.

New group chat with Brendon Urie and Gerard Way

👽️Tyler👽: Are you two awake aswell?

👻BeeboUrine👻: How could we sleep? Today we witnessed our best friend dead on his bathroom floor

⛄️Waytoogerard⛄️: Exactly. Why are you awake?

👽Tyler👽: Same reason as you, it makes me sick to my stomach, just the thought of it.

👻BeeboUrine👻: Tyler, we know what you went through a few years ago. And just know none of this is your fault

⛄️Waytoogerard⛄️: Exactly. There's nothing else we could've done. If you, Tyler, hadn't gotten to Mikey when you did, he wouldn't be breathing at all right now.

👽Tyler👽: I don't know what to do

👻BeeboUrine👻: There's nothing we can do except stay happy, for Mikey

I couldn't stay happy. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to do anything except for die. But I had to stay alive, for Mikey. I looked at the scars on my arm, then the ones on my legs. I knew exactly what Mikey was going through. Yet I still couldn't help him. I couldn't help the boy who saved my life. The boy who saved MY life died because I wasn't good enough. I decided the only thing I could do is sleep. But how?

I don't want to cut myself again. I really don't. But I don't want to live anymore either. And, with that thought I rushed out of my room and to the bathroom. I looked in the draw for my razor. I looked at it and felt sick. I decided to calm myself down by having a shower and listening to music. That was the only way I could think of calming myself down. My mom was already asleep. This was good because she wouldn't hear my crying and sobbing.

I turned the shower on and hopped in. I left the razor in the draw. I knew how much I wanted to slice the blade across my wrist, but I also knew I had to resist the urge to do so Aswell. For Mikey.

~

This is kind of a filler chapter

I want to try and get to atleast thirty chapters which should be easy. :)

I feel sick from this my poor ty bear :((

❤️😭