It's an hour into the three hour train journey and Charlie still hasn't heard from Finn and he's starting to panic.
He doesn't know why Finn isn't returning his calls but he knows it can't be anything good. He doesn't know what it is, but he knows he hates it. The not knowing and the knowing are beginning to drive him a little bit crazy.
Charlie holds his phone in a vice like grip, ready to answer the phone as soon as it vibrates. There have already been several false alarms, Matt asking if he wanted to meet up for pizza sometime soon, Eliza wondering when Charlie was getting back so they could have a study session at the library together, his phone company sending through his bill for the month.
But still no word from Finn and Charlie's panic is increasing with every second that passes.
What if something has happened to Finn? What if there's been an accident or an incident and Finn is lying in a hospital bed – or even worse alone somewhere – unable to answer Charlie's calls.
Deep down Charlie knows that that's not the case.
Finn rejected his call, which means that Finn just doesn't want to talk to him. And the whens and the whys are driving Charlie up the wall. Because things were going so well, today was going to be the day when everything fell into place and now Charlie's waiting for Finn to call and wondering why it's taking so long.
Things between them were going so well, the goodbye on Friday night, the chance of a future that Charlie's actions this morning promised them. And now Finn doesn't want to talk and Charlie can't help but think that is probably all somehow his fault.
He just needs to hear Finn's voice, then he's sure everything will be okay.
He's probably just overreacting after all. He'll get back and go round to Finn's and nothing will have changed. They're going to have a future together, one where they can kiss and not have to worry about who else is around, One with study sessions and pizza dates and Finn's stupidly bright smile. Charlie knows he doesn't really deserve a future like that but he's going to make the most of the time he's allowed it.
His phone begins to vibrate in his hand and Charlie's breath is stuck in his throat as he glances at the screen.
"Finn?" Charlie manages to say as he picks up the phone.
He's not sure why he sounds so weak and so desperate but Charlie knows he does. And right now he almost feels like he's on the verge of tears and he realises how tired he is, how much fighting with his Father took out of him. Right now he just wants to tell Finn and celebrate their promise of a future with him.
"Hey," Finn sounds weary, and there's a tone to his voice that Charlie can't quite place.
But it only makes the panic in Charlie heighten and he's sat on the edge of his seat, hand gripping onto his phone as if it's a life raft and Charlie's out at sea.
"I need to talk to you so bad, I – ."
"When were you going to tell me?" Finn's voice is sharp.
Charlie can sense his anger over the phone and suddenly this great day feels like it's being turned on its head.
"When was I going to tell you what?"
"That you weren't really gay. That all of this was just some sort of elaborate joke to you."
Charlie is falling, and not in the good way. His heart is beating fast and his pulse is racing and he can't breathe. Finn should not know, Finn can't know. Suddenly every idea Charlie had about a future they might share together is shattered like glass and he's cutting himself on all of the shards as he tries to search for an explanation.
