Over the course of the next few days, Charlie jumps every time he hears his phone buzz. He has no idea who he's expecting – or wanting – it to be, Daniel or Finn? But it's usually Eliza texting him something nonsensical or weirdly motivational, occasionally both.
But this time, it's Daniel's name that's flashing on his screen when he checks his phone after his lecture.
Daniel: I know this is late notice but are you doing much tomorrow? We're going back to Jonah's for the weekend so we can stop by on the way
Charlie: That's fine, I can make sure I'm free
Daniel: Okay good, see you then, just tell us where you want to meet by tomorrow morning or something
Charlie: Sure thing
The nervousness rises in Charlie like a tidal wave and he feels like he is about to drown. But he can do this, he wants to do this. Daniel is a part of Charlie's life that he tried to lock up in a box in the back of his mind and forget about, but he knows it needs opening, that he can't become some new person that deserves better unless he admits exactly what he did. There's no point in growing if you're made of rotted wood.
Charlie doesn't sleep much that night, he wakes up almost hourly and the sleep he does get is restless, he tosses and turns. Wakes up to find his duvet has been thrown on to the floor at some point during the night.
And the next morning is no better. He almost doesn't want to eat, guilt is covering his tongue in a papery film but he forces himself to chew on a piece of toast and he grabs an apple in case he finds he can eat later. He puts more thought into his outfit than is perhaps necessary, dressing up as seriously as the situation seems to deem, but he doesn't want to overdress, doesn't want Daniel to get the wrong idea about why he's wanting to meet up again.
Then he heads out the door. Tries to squish the bundle of nerves and guilt in his stomach down to something more manageable.
He'd texted Daniel to meet him at a quaint little cafe just off campus late last night. Hoping that the quirky, homey feel might help to dispel some of the awkwardness and tension. He figures you can't really start having a shouting match in a quiet cafe.
Daniel: We're five minutes or so away :)
Charlie's palms are sweating slightly but he takes the smiley face as a good sign and tries to calm himself down. Counts to a hundred in his head, tries to think about the essay he needs to plan when he gets back to his room, even tries to calm himself by making up stories for everyone else sipping on their drinks.
He's sat with his back to the door which, now he thinks about it, probably wasn't the best idea. It means he spends his time waiting turned in an uncomfortable position so that he can know exactly when Daniel and Jonah walk in.
He doesn't wait too long, which Charlie thinks is good. He doesn't feel ready but then, he hasn't felt ready to do this for the past few years.
Telling the truth is harder than anyone makes it out to be.
The two other boys fall through the door laughing, fingers intertwined and Charlie can't help the twist of jealousy in his stomach, the little green monster sitting on his shoulder and reminding him that this is what he screwed up. Charlie's glad that Daniel seems happy though, notices that his eyes light up every time they land on the boy beside him.
Daniel spots Charlie quickly and begins to head straight towards him. Something about this time seems different, nothing like their confrontation in the cupcake shop a year ago. Something seems to have shifted during the phone call last night, as if Daniel finally got a hint of Charlie's guilt, as if this time Daniel realises that maybe Charlie wasn't intent on hurting him all along.
