four walls (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

eight

After the show, Jenna and I go and greet them backstage. The relief of Josh's forgiveness kept the smile on my face until I saw him again, giving me another reason to smile.
"You guys killed it out there!" I exclaim hugging both of them despite their sweatiness.
"Thanks." They say in unison.
"Tyler did you not wear your elbow pads again?" Jenna huffs.
"No, I'm not weak and it doesn't even hurt that much. I can handle it." He shrugs taking a large sip of water.
"What? Why does he need elbow pads?" I ask.
"You know in heavydirtysoul when Tyler falls straight down onto the floor? Yeah well his elbows take most of the impact..." Jenna says lifting his arm to show dark bruising plastered around his elbow. She pokes it and immediately he winces.
"Ouch!"
"Told you, you should wear them." She smiles evilly as they walk of into his dressing room.

"Before I forget to ask...Whilst I was on stage I couldn't help but think about you...about us. And I know it's far too soon to really solidify my thoughts but, but I...I want to know if you feel the same way?" Josh says.
"The same way about what?"
"That there's a future with us. That we can be more than the memories we left behind?"
"I'm not sure I understand." I state. This seemed out of character for Josh to be so upfront. Maybe he's grown up a lot in the past decade, more than I'd thought. I subside the thought and zone back in to listen to what he means.

"We were so fixated on the past. On who we were. But we're different. We're not two kids falling in love, figuring out the world together. We're two adults trying to make things work. And I know you made some dumb mistakes and so did I. But we were kids. You need to remember that and stop being so hard on yourself..." Josh says, staring at me with his genuinely concerned eyes.
"We were just kids? Was everything we had just childish love, that we shouldn't have got engaged so young?" I ask softly, trying not to get too upset too quickly as I had got in the habit of doing.
"Avery, I think you're focusing on the wrong bit, I—"
"But do you? Answer me honestly. My whole life I haven't been able to trust anyone except you, please tell me the truth." I plead, anxiously observing as he collected his thoughts. I knew he wouldn't lie, but I had to be sure that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
"Honestly...I-I think it was the best decision I ever made. You made me so happy and I could see a clear road; a whole, bright future ahead of us." He smirks to himself.
"What future do you see with us now?"
"Things are much more complicated now, y'know. The road's a little foggier, but I still want you to be next to me..." he begins.
"And here comes the part I originally wanted to talk to you about...my band, Ave, is the main path in front of me. This is the clearest path I'm walking." He exhales.

"I know how much this band and Tyler means to you, and the time you've dedicated to its success. I get the commitment. The sacrifices. The long times away from home on the other side of the world. And that just makes me want to be the person you come home to. The reason to come back. That's why I returned to Ohio. That's why I returned to you. You were my reason." I say.
He smiles sympathetically, nodding his head slowly.
"I know, I know. I just wanted to make sure you understood." He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly, symbolic almost, of the path we were now walking together. I look up and smile at his tired, sweaty face. He leans in and kisses me. At first, I'm taken by surprise, but my muscle memory kicks in and I'm taken back to when we were 13 and we kissed for the first time.

I remember clearly that day. The warm of the sun and the cold of the air. It was in the spring of 2001, before the events of nine-eleven, before things got complicated. Josh and I were best friends. We had other friends that we hung out with together but somehow it'd always end up with just the two of us. Teachers called us disruptive and inseparable.

On that particular day, we were biking together through the stretches of fields and trees that lead to a picnic spot on top of a meandering hill ,not far from our school. Our parents knew of our near weekly routine of going there to do some homework. And for the most part we did, we helped each other with difficult equations and spelling. Both of which I seemed to need more help with. Josh didn't mind at all, gladly he'd spend hours explaining to me improper fractions and other inane mathematical jaga that I could never get my head around. He was and undoubtedly still is a patient teacher.

As we basked in the early evening sunlight, gently shaded by the evergreen, I watched Josh as he explained something to me. And the sun caught his face to capture the dark swirls of brown that swarmed in his eyes. He glanced up, noticing my mind was elsewhere.
"What it is?" He asks.
"Nothing."
"No what?

He grabbed his bike and rode away, embarrassed and afraid of the way I might react if he stayed. But all I wanted was for him to come back, hold my hand armed with a promise that he'd never let go.

I remember after that, when my parents financial problems worsened, I started fantasising us running away together. Though now I would only instinctively dismiss it as childish naivety, back then it felt so real. I thought we could spend our days in abandoned buses or just sleeping under the stars. Living off saved up pocket money and selling rare Pokemon cards. Truly a life with no care or calamity. How ironic that as reckless as that may sound, it would have probably have been better off if we did run away. My parents would still not be alive but I wouldn't have been around for the aftermath of the murder. The long trials over Norman Gweth, with lawyers and coroners projecting pictures of my parents corpses with eerie details of how they bled out. Speaking of a violent death so calmly, as if it were nothing. It's these images and a words projected from a court room that will haunt me forever. Then all that conceded with an unjust jurisdiction of an innocent man swayed by my misguidance. I just wanted to disappear from it all. To have ran away with the boy I loved and never had to look back disparagingly.

It hurt to still feel the hurt. Like a wound that won't heal over and heart that always wished it'd acted differently. But then I look up at his eyes, that never fail to captivate me, telling myself that if I had to go through it all again just to end up here, I would. I really really would.

"I heard a few people mention a late night ice cream stop before we have to hit the road, you up for it?" Josh asks enthusiastically, showing no signs (apart from the sweat) that he'd just poured everything he had with his drums.
"Sounds good." Mark says. I nod along eagerly through my exhaustion, wondering how everyone else still has the energy to be up this late. I suppose, though, this is the life I will have to get use to. I'd never want it any other way.

———
a/n: Yet again, life takes over. A lot have things have happened wow. They came back with trench, a killer album. I was lucky enough to see them at the complete diversion concert in London, a killer show. And of course, a new logo.

See you round sometime
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