Me.

Trigger warning Suicide.

Here's my suicide story. I think I should get this off my chest and just allow people out there to get closer to me.

It was about 5 months ago and I was sitting in the bathroom completely numb when my grandpa called me (I love him so much and he means everything to me and I hate the fact he blames himself for this...It wasn't just him) and in the call with him he said that I needed to stop acting like a boy and putting more stress on my mom and that I needed to get back right with god. I remember crying silently. I told my grandpa I loved him and I understood. I sat the phone down after hanging up and grabbed a bottle of pills. I started at it for awhile before opening them up and sat on the bed taking pill after pill after pill. Tears pouring down my face. I would have cut myself to death but I didn't want to make a mess...I had already done to much to the family. I sat there for awhile and after taking so many pills I just sighed and closed the bottle and went into the bathroom and sat there calmly. Adam messaged me and asked if I was okay. I told him I had swallowed and entire bottle of pills. He called me crying. He told me his mom was a nurse or something like that and that I needed to make myself throw up. I don't know what did for me. His choked voice or the fact I was starting to shake and have convulsions. I kneeled by the toilet and desperately tried to make myself puke. It didn't work. Nothing did. I hung up with him and then shakily told my mom. She didn't want to take me to the hospital, she had work in the morning and I was just gonna make her late. I didn't want to go either. By then my suicidal thoughts were back and I was frozen in place. My mom did take me to the hospital after picking up my grandma. They both made me feel worse. I remember sitting in the hospital bed telling people to stop messaging me and that I was watching some kind of chick flick. I wasn't paying attention at all. They did blood work and other things. Finally some doctor came in and he asked me questions about if I was suicidal or feeling bad or depressed. I lied because my grandma was there. I lied because i didn't want to be locked away. I lied and I regret it. They could have helped me. They sent me home and said I should probably get a therapist. Well they told my parents. No therapists were contacted and nothing changed. After that night Adam and I became closer. I fell in love with him the second he said that he would miss me if I died. I started school and I have a in school therapist. Its all gotten easier with my soulmate and my friends and the therapist.