The Shift Of Brando

Roll Call

#1:

"Son of a bitch, of course I had to jinx myself."

Well the story continues.

Unfortunately.

I had a good job opportunity, and like the loser that I have become, I blew it.

Might as well start telling Jack to rent me the little crawlspace under the rotisserie, cause it seems like I ain't leaving this place anytime soon.

No seriously, what did I do to deserve this?

Did I degrade a sacred Indian burial ground?

Did Erick pull some Mexican brujeria on me?

I mean, I'm a good citizen. I pay taxes sometimes, I do a half-ass job, I make fun of people online, I go to church once every six years, I help the local drug dealing business, etc.

For god sakes, I lack any motivation to even show up to work now. Most of the time, I have to pump myself to Nickelback songs before I clock in. That's how you know I hit rock bottom.

Anyways I got to stop being so depressive before I start evolving into Jack, only sixty years younger and less of a sex maniac.

Tomorrow morning we have a staff meeting to welcome all the people that we got from the draft.

Oh boy. It should be fun.    

#2:

The staff meeting went well. Got to meet a lot of my new co-workers. It honestly feels like corporate ripped us off because the people we got are surely unique.

For instance, we have a new morning cashier and her name is Diamond Crabsac. I'm not even joking, that's her name. She's your typical middle-aged white trash, who's probably a former stripper. I didn't even have to meet her to know that about her. Her name says it all.

I also met another cashier named Walter, and he's basically the cashier version of Charles, the greedy delivery driver. He's old af and he did make a unique entrance, as he rode into the parking lot in his new, exotic, dazzling, elegant, stylish...bicycle.

Is there any way I can get a transfer to another store, presumably one that is far, far away from here?

#3:

Like I said before, either I have bad luck or this store is cursed. Why you ask?

Because out all the people that could've been drafted, Rufus was left behind.

Tonight it was supposed to be Heather, the assistant manager, and Rufus up front, holding down the fort.

Well halfway through the shift, the 'fort' was overwhelmed. Literary for a good half an hour, Heather was dealing with people left and right, and Rufus was nowhere to be seen.

After business died down, Heather asked me to go find Rufus. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find him.

I almost gave up on the 'search and rescue' mission, until I decided to have a look outside into the parking lot. That's when I found Rufus, sleeping inside his truck. The whole time, the dude was sleeping inside his truck, while we were getting our asses handed to us.

P.S. After Heather woke him up and made him comeinside the store, Rufus didn't even last five minutes before he grabbed somefood and sat down as we were starting to get busy again.