The Shift Of Brando

Bye Felicia

* DIALS JACK *

JACK: Hey, what's up?

ME: What the fuck man? You're bullshitting me.

JACK: What?

ME: Bitch, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You're leaving?

JACK: ...Yea.

ME: Bitch why? Iz u crazy? Iz u cray cray?

JACK: What do you mean why? I'm tired of the same crap. I've been asking Gustavo for my transfer for months, and he finally gave in.

ME: Oh so he gives into your transfer but he doesn't let you do anal? Yea, okay....

JACK: What?

ME: Why didn't you tell me man?

JACK: Cause you wouldn't believe it. Remember all those times I told you I would leave, and you said I didn't have the balls to leave? Well buh-bye bitch.

ME: No, I meant, why didn't you tell me before I decided to return?

JACK: Oh...cause I needed to make sure the store had at least one cook who shows up to work. Last thing I want is to leave the store in the hands of a sexual deviant from Guatemala or the bleach assassin.

ME: Well if you're leaving, than I have no other option...

JACK: What? You want to leave too?

ME: Hell yea. Last time I remember, we made a pinky promise saying if one of us left the store, the other would leave too. How come you don't remember that huh?

JACK: Really guy? Not this shit aga-

ME: I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS? I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSER THAN TRUMP AND PUTIN, OR KANYE AND JAY Z, OR AT LEAST A BIT MORE CLOSER THAN LINDSEY LOHAN AND A BOTTLE OF WINE.

JACK: Psstt....reall-

ME: Real friends...how many of us? How many honest? I cannot blame you for having an angle...

JACK: Oh not the Kanye West man.

ME: * Sniff *

JACK: Are you...are you crying!?

ME: ...Nooooooo.

JACK: Okay then, so like I was sayi-

ME: Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a manager so heartless....

JACK: Cut the Kanye crap man. No can you to respond to me in a normal way, without using any Kanye lyrics?

ME: ...

JACK: I'm leaving. Are you leavi-

ME: If I should stay...I would only be in your way...so I'll go but I know...

I'll think of you every step of the way...and IIIIIIII... WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUUUU

JACK: I'm done. Bye.

ME: Wait, seriously... Man can you at least take me with you? Shit I don't want to be left behind with Heather or Londrell. Last I thing I want is for Londrell to ask me if I want to have a threesome with him and Charlie.

JACK: Eh...I'll think about it man. I'll let you know soon.