BTS: I Think I Love You

Chapter 30

The tears are uncontrollable. I can't seem to stop sobbing, my breath coming out in gasps as I try and get a grip on myself. My whole life has basically been shit, and I don't think I can keep doing this anymore. My dad left us, my mom had to get a job that she hates and is degrading, I got abused mentally and physically, and now the guy that I love wants nothing to do with me.

The last one might not seem as important to some people, but it was to me. For someone who had always been treated like shit, to have those closest to her never around, this is a big deal. I have never experienced love like this, and to have it taken away from me is painful. He gave me my happiness back. He made me smile after what seemed like forever. He was the sunshine in my life, but now a dark cloud has covered it from me and I'm not sure if it'll ever come back.

Get up Z. You're a worthless piece of shit anyway. Why would a guy like Jungkook love you?

I stand from my crouched position on the ground, the wind whipping my hair in my face. The strands stick to my face due to my tears, my cheeks cold from the exposure to the cool air. A sense of calm falls over me, my mind momentarily clearing. Maybe that's right. Why would Jungkook ever love someone like me?

He doesn't love you. No one will.

That's right. I'm just a waist of space. No one will ever love me. I can't expect them to. I have been a mess up since the day I was born.

Yeah. If you were never born none of this would have happened.

If I wasn't born my mom and dad would still be together. My mom would still be happy. She wouldn't have to work a tiring, demanding, degrading job anymore. They would be a real couple. Jungkook wouldn't hate you. It would have been better for him if I just hadn't even existed in the first place.

It's all your fault.

I make a mess out of everything. Why did it have to be me? Why do I have to be such a fuck up? Why?

Why are you still here? You're not doing anyone any good by staying.

Maybe that's right. Why am I even continuing to live? I'm not doing myself any good. I'm not doing anyone else any good either. My mom would probably be happy if I just disappeared from her life. She wouldn't have to work as hard as she is right now.

No one would care. No one would notice.

Jungkook would probably be happy as well. He wouldn't have to be bothered with my existence. I wouldn't be around to make him angry. He would never have to look at my face again. If I really love him, I'll be able to let him go.

I don't even notice as I make my way to the edge of the building. I step onto the ledge and look down, the wind causing my eyes to water even more. My tears are gone, leaving me with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I look down at all of the students walking to their classes, not one of them looking up. No one would even know what happened until they saw my body bloody and broken on the sidewalk below. I take another step forward, my toes hanging off the edge now. It would be so easy for me to lean forward. To step off the roof. To fall. To be consumed by the darkness that comes with the endless sleep, which we refer to as death.

That's it. Do it......do it!

"Bye Jungkook" I whisper, the wind causing my voice to be lost. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, preparing myself for the plunge; the weightlessness before everything ends.

"Z? What are you doing!?!"

My eyes fly open in shock, me instinctively taking a step back in my momentary surprise. I turn around in astonishment, Jungkook's face mirroring the expression on mine. He rushes towards me, pulling me away from the edge.

"What were you thinking!?!"

It is then that I realize that his cheeks are wet. I watch as tears stream down his face in rivers, his bottom lip trembling as he stares at me incredulously. My eyes are wide as he pulls me into his chest, his face nuzzling into the crook of my neck. The wetness from his eyes gets the collar of my shirt wet, but I don't mind. He's here. He's actually here.

"How could you be so stupid? Why were you going to jump? Why?"

He pulls away, his sad eyes searching my face for an answer.

"There was nothing left for me here" I say, my voice soft. He looks down with hurt and guilt apparent on his face, his grip on me loosening slightly. He brings his hand up to my face as he caresses my cheek softly, his gaze holding so many different emotions at once.

"You have so much ahead of you Z. You are so precious, don't let your inner demons win. I don't know what I would have done without you. I think........"

I wait for what he has to say with bated breath, my eyes wide in wonder. He is looking at me so tenderly, holding me with so much care. I didn't think he would ever hold me like this again. He lets out a breath before coming closer to me, his lips parting.

"I think I love you."