BTS: I Think I Love You

Chapter 20

"Does your dad.....abuse you?"

He flinches at my question, his eyes growing cold and hard at the mention of his father. He spits on the ground in front of him in disgust as he starts to move his swing as well. The knuckles on his fingers grown white as they squeeze into the chains of the swing, them clinking together at the pressure.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" I hurriedly say, his angered state worrying me. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or anything. I just want him to feel like he has someone there for him if he ever wants to talk. He surprises me by shaking his head, a determined look on his beaten and bruised face.

"It started three years ago. We started off like any other family does. We were happy, content with our lives. Me and my mom would go to the Saturday markets every weekend while dad stayed at home to read the paper. We were not that well off, but it didn't matter. As long as we had each other, we would be happy."

I nod my head as I listen to his story, listening to every word. I didn't think that he would actually be willing to open up to me. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"My dad fell into the wrong crowd. He wasn't doing so good with his job, so he looked in other places to get money. He started selling drugs and the money just kept coming. Mom didn't like it. She fought against him about it. They would fight every night, their yelling keeping me up. After a while, she just have up. She still loved me and my dad, but she couldn't handle it anymore. She started drinking to ease her pain and discomfort, and dad joined her."

"That's when the beatings started. About three months ago, my dad would come home, high off his ass, and beat me until he fell asleep. Either that or I passed out from the pain. My mom wouldn't do anything to stop him, too far gone herself. I would fight back, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to hurt my dad. He may be a major dick now, but he wasn't always like this. I just want him to go back to the way he was before. I want us to go back to the way we were before. I want to be a loving family again. I want my parents back, but it doesn't seem like that's gunna happen any time soon."

He stands from the swing and pulls at his hair in frustration, pacing back and forth angrily. I stare at him as he does this, not sure how I am supposed to help him. I don't think I even can help him. I want to, I really do, but I don't know how. I just know how it feels to be abused by my fellow classmates. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to be abused by my own parents. I stand up and approach him cautiously, my actions timid and unsure.

"I don't know how you feel exactly, but I do know how it feels to be alone. It's-"

I stop talking as he turns towards me, a smile on his face. I take a step back as he smiles wider, his eyes filled with hatred and anger. What did I do wrong? Did I say something that offended him?

"You know how it feels to be alone? Haha as if. You have it perfect, don't you? Every guy falling for you, trying to get at you. You have lots of people, so don't tell me that you are alone in this world."

Something in me snaps and I can feel myself getting angrier. How dare he. I take a step towards him and watch as he steps back, a confused look on his face.

"Excuse me? You don't know anything about me! You can't say shit about me because you have no idea what I have to go through at school. It's bad enough that I get made fun of for my mom being a stripper. She does it so that I can go to school. So that I can get an education. It's because of me that she is degraded and talked down to by everyone in this godforsaken town!"

He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again when I shoot him an icy glare.

"No! It's my turn to talk. You have no idea how lonely I am. No one is my friend because they view me as being the "slut's daughter". No one respects me or my ideas. I am laughed at, glared at, and humiliated every day, no one doing anything to stop it. I go home with bruises all over my body from when people beat me up. I get kicked and punched and pushed until I can't stand anymore, but I can't tell my mom. She has done everything for me, and it would only worry her further. That and there is no way she can pay for my medical bills with her salary."

I can feel myself tearing up as I speak, my voice getting louder in my anger. Tears stream down my face as I continue to yell at him, my innermost thoughts and emotions finally coming out. I have been pushing everything down, hoping that it would make everything better. Now it is coming back up to the surface in an explosion of anger and overwhelming sadness and self pity.

"That's not it though. It wasn't bad enough that they beat me every day. No! They fucking went and decided that since I was supposedly the daughter to a slut, I would be treated like one as well. They rape me, use me in ways that I never want to be used in every single goddamn day. They like to see me cry out in pain. They love it when I beg for them to stop. They took away my sense of privacy, intimacy, trust in people, and compassion. They took away my happiness. They took that away the moment they lade eyes on me. So don't you tell me that I don't know what loneliness is, because I have been alone for most of my life. I know what it feels like to not have anyone there to dry my tears. At least you have six wonderful friends who will always be there for you. I have always been alone in my pain. You don't know what's it's like to be alone until you are left barely breathing, lying on the cold asphalt, with no one around to help you. When you almost die because some horny teenager decided that you didn't enjoy him raping you as much as you should have, come talk to me. Then you will understand my pain. You will understand why I am so "heartless" as you put it last time. Why care about anyone when all they have done is kick you when you are down?"

I breath heavily after I finish my rant, my head pounding painfully. V has a shocked expression on his face as he stares at me, his mouth agape. I sigh tiredly as I turn around to leave, all the energy I just had vacating my body. My eyes widen as I freeze, my body tensing up in surprise. Six pairs of eyes stare at me in shock, their faces showing expressions of sympathy and sadness. I look into the youngest of the group's eyes and inwardly wince at the look he is giving me. Tears flow down his cheeks as he stares at me, his expression making me want to cry even more. Without a word, I walk away from them, leaving them standing there in silence.