One Last Kiss {Book Three}

Chapter 15

Over the past few weeks, we finally got everything done. The baby's room was finished, the baby shower was over with, I had no more appointments. Not that I needed any, for the baby should be arriving sometime within the month.

It was an exciting, yet terrifying moment. I was ready to be a mom but at the same time I didn't want to be. I didn't want to fuck up and end up ruining this baby's life. What if I turn out to be a terrible mother? What if this child hates me? Or worse, becomes me? I don't want the child to grow up with all the insecurities that I had and still have. I don't want them growing up with depression and anxiety. What if they don't have any friends in school? What if people begin to hate them?

Was I truly ready to be a mother?

"Hannah." The sudden touch of his grip on my shoulder caused my heart to skip a beat. "You okay?"

I turned my head towards him, his brown eyes showing concern. Nodding hurriedly, my gaze shifted away from him. I couldn't bring myself to speak. It felt as if I were to breakdown into a sobbing mess if I were to open my mouth.

"You're scared." He gently puts his hand under my chin, turning my head back to facing him. A soft smile appears on his lips. "Its okay to be scared."

A tear falls down my cheek at the thought of it all again. Maybe I'll just give this baby away once its born? No, Hannah you can't do that. But I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can be committed to raising a child. Its a commitment you chose to take before you were even aware of it. Now that its pretty much just around the corner, I don't know if I'd be able to. You will. How do you know? Because you have someone who loves you unconditionally by your side to care for this child with you. You won't have to do this alone.

"Hannah, you're not going to be doing this alone." Brendon repeats what the voice in my head was telling me. And I could feel my nerves relax as he wraps me in a warm embrace. "I'm going to be right by your side. This child is going to have an amazing life, raised by the best and most amazing mother."

"I...I don't want it." My voice felt like it was gone. The words that fell out of my mouth were barely a whisper. But he still manages to hear me, for he held me closer, my head now resting against his chest.

"Don't say that." He spoke softly and calmly. "Hannah, I know you're second guessing yourself about this decision. But things will all fall into place. I promise."

"What if they don't?" My voice cracked as a stream of tears fell down my face. "What if there's something wrong with this child because of what happened?" I pull the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands and wipe away a few tears.

"Hannah, the doctor said that the baby was growing healthy and normal." He took a few strands of my hair, twisting it around between his fingers. "It'll be okay. Everything will turn out perfect. You know why? Because they're going to have the best parents they could ever ask for."

Nothing was said after that. I couldn't bring myself to speak, and Brendon was comforting me. I was a wreck. This isn't a way to act when your child will be born any time now.