About My Life...

...

(play song if you want with this chapter)

So I made up my mind about leaving...

And

I'm going to finish my requests that I got and take a break...

I'm sorry, I just I have stuff going on right now that it's hurting my physically and mentally. I'm getting the urge to cut again, and believe me when I say it's so hard not too. I have my blade in my room, ready. Any day now will be the day that I turn back into my old ways...

I'll tell you all what's going on, but please; I just can't right now...

So when my little brother turned 15 he started to smoke heavy amounts of weed. My father caught him many of times before and asked for him to stop; but my brother doesn't know when to stop and listen.

So about a week ago I woke up to my dad freaking out saying how my brother sneaked out of the house and we couldn't find him anywhere... It's all because my dad told him to stop and my brother (Angelo) got mad. Remind you he's only 15 years old. He wouldn't tell anyone where he was and was being stupid. So my dad wanted to teach him a lesson; we locked the whole house up. My father has told him numerous times to stop; but he won't stop. He would laugh in my fathers face and literally says "I'm not stopping for shit" my dad was getting sick of it. My dad keeps treating him to put him on pins... I don't like the way he's treating my father; I can't stand seeing my dad like this.

When my father would tell him to stop my brother would get mad and try to beat up my father; for no reason. It got to the point where my sister (Melissa), brother (Anthony) and I had to step in to stop him. He pulled a knife out on my father before; all because my father told him to stop smoking weed.

Sure, I've smoked many of times before but I have a reason as to why I smoke it. It helps me with my back pain from when I fractured my spin, it helps me with the migraines I get, etc. Angelo said its his "medicine" because it helps to keep him "calm"

One day he started smoking it near Melissa; and she told him to get away before she tells dad. And do you want to know what he did?

He fucking pushed her off the chair she was sitting and made her hit her head. Than when she got up he hit her in the face; making her have a busted lip and a black and blue eye. Anthony came just in time and tackled him to the ground. Later that night my dad came home and seen what he did to Melissa and told Angelo to get out of the house. Angelo just straight up started to laugh at him and said "I'm not fucking going anywhere" too my father!

Angelo is the one why my back is always hurting. I only told Angelo about me trying to commit suicide and do you want to know what he told me?

He said, "go swallow some more pills and die because you're a burden on us all"

Yep... That was 2 weeks ago when he said that; and I've been falling ever since then. I can't take it no more; I feel like I have absolutely no one. No one cares for me, no one loves me... I'm better off alone.

I'm just emotionally, physically and mentally done... And it doesn't help how I've been sick for about a week and a half.

So this is the reason why I'm leaving for awhile; it might days, weeks, months, heck even years before I come back. But please, I know people are going to want to blame themselves for everything that's happening in my life; but don't.

I don't want pity...

Like I said I'm finishing my requests and than I'm leaving... I'm going to make a chapter about it on my BBS one shot book too. Not everything I said on here, but a short explanation....

Umm... Yeah, if you don't get why I'm leaving than its because my brother basically told me to go swallow more pills and die because I'm a burden. There...

I don't know how to end this so... Bye