Whirlwind Of Emotions

Rumbled Thoughts

Six years, it's been six years since I first started feeling this way and I still can't get over you. I can't get over your smile, your eyes, your hair, your touch and even your voice, which makes my heart skip a beat every time I hear it because I am stupid enough to think you'll come to me, but you never do. You go and leave me alone, hurting and you don't even realize that you are doing it, you don't even realize how you make me feel and how this is affecting me. Oh god how I wish I could forget you and the sweet way you nibble your fingers and bite your lips when you get nervous, I wish I could forget your laugh, which would make anyone laugh along with you. I wish I could forget everything about you and simply move on but this seems impossible, this possibility seems so far away yet you are no closer to me than I am to forgetting you.

No one seems to know how bad this hurts, how I stare into space, even though I am actually starring at you. No one knows how depressed I get when I don't see you or how I look for you on my way to class, no one knows this because I don't want them to know, but it does hurt that you don't know this it hurts that you don't know I would move the world for you and do anything you asked without hesitation for the mere chance of spending some time with you, but it is for the best.

I wish I could tell you how my heart flutters when I see you or how when I pass by you I long for your touch, but I am to scared of your rejection to even talk to you face to face, much less confess my darkest secret. I know you better than you realize for when I'm with you I do pay attention to what you say, and I wish you would realize there's a reason for this. I wish you would see how much I care and do something about it, but you never will.

Every time I'm apart from you my eyes look for you and even though we don't talk we do text, mostly because it's easier to hide the way I feel for you this way, but also because if we didn't we wouldn't communicate at all and that would break my heart and crush my spirits..

No matter how hard I try to forget you it seems impossible because you've dug yourself into my very heart and soul without even realizing it, you've made it impossible to not want you near me, you've made it impossible to not long for that moment of the day when you answer my text about how your day went or for that moment when I see you at school.

I do realize that you'll never know any of this and that if you did you would never treat me the same, you would probably run away scared and never turn back to see me, but I will never abandon you because you are the only person that can actually make me smile no matter how my day has been, you are the only person whom I would wait for my entire life, the only one worth it and the only one I would do anything for.

I do wish one day I had the courage to tell you, but until that day comes I just want you to know you really are awesome and that no one will change what I think about you because in the end I do really love you.