Mr. Phantomhive(Sebaciel Yaoi/ Teacher AU)

Chapter 23 (Ciel) - Sebastian's BFF

- Sebastian's BFF -

"Why are you in my house? Actually, wait, no. How did you get in my house? Get out of my kitchen. No - don't open the refrigerator! Take your hands off my fucking food right this instant or I swear to all that is holy I will destroy you right here, right now. Stop that. Quit laughing! Why are you touching my...cheese? And mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, turk - get your grubby fingers off my god damned mother fucking cake or I will not hesitate to bash your face in with these water bott - WHAT KIND OF MONSTER EATS IT WITH THEIR HANDS? WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS? Your mother would be extremely disappointed if she saw you man handling my sweets like some uncultured heathen - get out of my freezer. That's my ice cream what are you doing? Excuse you, put that lid back on th - THERE ARE SPOONS IN THE DRAWER - oh my God tell me you didn't just grab a table spoon. There is a proper way to eat tha - bitch did you just - no, get that out of my face that was literally in your mouth like two seconds ago. You better back your ass right the fuck up I know karate - that's a lie no I don't - seriously I don't want that so close to my - don't put that in my mou -" 

...

Oh wow, this is pretty good. 

I glare at him around the spoon, staring into his bright green eyes.

Swallowing, I jerk back and wipe my mouth.

Heh, that won't be the only time you -

No! No one relates to you or appreciates your inpu -

I don't understand why you continue to lie to yourself, you're the only one getting hurt. You and your ass, lol :D

"I brought you a bag of goodies from my shop."

Oh for the love of...

"I don't want a bag filled with a variety of dildos, thank you very much."

With narrowed eyes, he flips his silver bangs out of his face and presses his lips together.

Oh no, have I insulted his goodie bag of grossness?

My bad.

"First of all, it's not a variety. There's only one in here so joke's on you, stupid. And you're lucky I brought you this one, it usually sells out pretty fast. I set this beauty aside for your ungrateful ass. Your ungrateful and very-much-hurt ass, as I've been told. That's right, Alois told me. How do you like listening to me talk so much without stopping, huh? Is it fun for you - do you enjoy this? Because if that's how you greet your pretty lover every day, I'm surprised he hasn't found another way to occupy your mouth. Just to be clear, I'm talking about a good old fashioned smooch, so don't look at me like that. Instead, take a look at this rubber dick, yeah? I brought you the blue one since...you know. I thought about bringing a red one over for Sebastian, but I'm too fragile to get punched. So anyway, check out this sack of sin. I hooked you up with some condoms, flavored lube for, uh...still kissing, I guess, a couple of different plugs, rings, here's a gag - oopsie, those handcuffs are for moi, sorry - blindfold, I expect you to wear these, aaaaand here's another penis. I lied, there were two in here the whole time. Wanna see how much of it you can fit in your mouth? Come here. I said here, not over there, silly. Why are you walking away? I'm taller than you, stop acting like you can successfully get away from me. You're running and I'm literally less than three inches behind you while walking at a normal pace, all I have to do is reach out my arm - this is too much work, I only came here for the food."

He grabs me by the back of my collar and spins me around to face him. My eyes immediately move to the giant...thing in his right hand and I start to squirm.