Behind The Shadows.(E.G.D)

Chapter 21(To be continued)

⚠️sensitive content

Chapter 21(Last one)

Ethan looks thrilled I can say and I don't know what to think after all this.
I take a step back when I see him coming towards me.
"Avery.."
"Don't Avery me."I snap.
"This is where you are?This is what you do then?"I continue.
"It's not what it looks like."He says in a cool tone.No no,I'm the one here with the cool tone,I must be at least.
"Can we talk about this later?I mean other place?"He asks before I respond.
I nod and get in his car with him,he starts the car and drives towards their house,Cameron probably isn't at home and I hope Grayson as well.
When we arrive we get out of the car and walk in the house,I guess I was right,nobody is home.
I sit on the couch and keep my eyes on Ethan who clearly seems confused.
"Well?"I ask.
"Well what?"He says,is he fucking playing games with me?Right now?
"I don't think you are in a position to joke or something you know."I say angrily.
"And are you?"He doesn't stop his annoying questions.My nerves are getting my best.
"Stop it Ethan!Just stop it!"I yell and jump from my place.
"Stop what Avery?I'm asking questions as well and what do we even have to discuss?"He says calmly clearly not giving a single fuck about what is happening right now.
I start to laugh,but this is not a laugh when you are in a funny mood,this is a bitter laugh I have like a habit when something goes wrong.
"You're high,aren't you?"I ask.
"I'm not but I'll probably be soon."He answers shrugging.
"Ethan I have no fucking time for your ugly jokes,I just saw you leaving a restaurant with some stranger who was a girl and now you're telling my we have nothing to discuss?I think I have the right to know why the hell were you there!"I yell at him,I'm so angry right now,because he acts like we are some strangers.
"I know you won't understand,even if I explained and I don't have the energy of explaining you somethung right now,besides you will ask million questions."Is it the Ethan I love speaking right now?I must be dreaming.
"What is wrong with you?"I ask with shivers,I am scared right now.
"Nothing Avery,I realized a few things recently,one of them is that you don't trust me and when there is no trust,there is no relationship."He spits.
I start to shiver really bad,my eyes are starting to water already.
"What..?"I ask confused.
"You know what! Don't play games with me!"He yells.
"You're the one who's playing shitty games with me!"I yell even louder.
"Don't be so fucking stupid Avery!You think I didn't know that you followed me?Why the hell would you do that if you trusted me?"He asks,for a moment I see a crack in his voice and it's killing me but he's no innocent one here.
"I do..I trust you,but..I.."I start to stutter and he gives me that 'see' look.
"You still were with some girl!"I don't forget.
"I was but you never let me to explain why,she's an old friend of mine and she gives me the stuff I need,nothing is happening between us and here you are following me like a bitch and watching me as if I were doing something awful."
"And what stuff do you exactly need?"
"You don't want me answer that Avery,I warned you before about my addictions."He says.
"So drugs again then?"I half laugh.
"No not again,but forever I thought I made it clear before that those are the only things that help me function."
"You are obsessed with some crazy idea that it helps you but in reality it ruins you."I say calmly.
"I thought you understood."He says disappointed.
"I did but I thought it would go away?!"I say in a questioning tone.
"Avery I'm a fucking drug addict don't you see?!Those things JUST DON'T go away like that."He says laughing like a crazy,his eyes are sparkly,is he crying?
For a moment I think about our talk about him being a drug addict,then I say something.Really bad.
"I know what you're trying to do,I..How stupid was I?Of course.."I say for myself,he gives me a strange look.
"That girl,who died from drugs..you loved her,you still love her and those freaking drugs are the only things that make you close to her!"I say like a total mad.
"What?"He whispers.
"What?Are you crazy right now Avery?Look at your words!"He whispers again.
"I know I'm right!Admit it!"I don't know what I'm talkig about anymore.
"You've gone mad if you think that's what I'm trying to do.Looking back I see that I have never loved Camilè,it was just that we did everythung together and drugs connected us,nothing more.You just don't get me.."He says quietly.
"I knew we couldn't work anyway."His last words are like sharp arrows in my chest,following each other and cutting my heart.
I stay silent,I just can't think about anything,all my mind is a dark,blank space right now.
"You're damaged and so am I,that's why we can't fill each other."He keeps saying terrible things.
I bite on my cheeks,trying not to break down in front of him but my eyes..my pretty damaged eyes betray me and start watering.I step back and turn on my heels.
"So you're saying?"I ask him.
"I'm saying that we are not for each other,we can't keep doing it anymore."I hear his voice.
"Bye Ethan."I whisper for the last time.
"Wait..I want you to remember that I will always be in love with you,wherever I am..in the sunshine,in the shadows and even behind the shadows."He rests a hand on my shoulder,I don't say anything,just walk out from the house.
My mind is not functioning and I can't think clearly,there's a five or more ways I think of right now.
I have thought about death a few times in my life,and it never did scare me,I have tried to commit suicide 3 times when I was living with my terrible parents but someone always dragged me out of the darkness and never let me to die.
But now..I guess I have nobody to stop me and I'm so glad,I'm so beyond glad.
My thoughts about life has been right,I always imagined to have some people in my life that may have loved me but in the end I always knew that I'd be alone,no matter what and now that it has proved,I'm just happy.
I remember the high building with it's roof,when Ethan and I went there,where he stole my first kiss.
An idea flashes in my mind,I smile as it starts to rain and the smell of death becomes more clear.After a fifteen minute walk I reach the familiar building and walk in.
Nobody is inside,the guard is sleeping,and I smile bitterly about the idea that nobody is going to stop me right now.The metal elevator stops and I step out on the top of the building,on a beautiful glass roof.
There's a bitter feeling I have in my body,I choose to ignore it and go closer to the edge of the building.
It's starting to become darker and darker every minute I spend here,it just seems forever when I think of my death.
The city is smelling like death,those kinds of weather make me even more sure in my descision.I'm smoking the last cigarette and throw it away,I'm the most pathetic human ever and I'm the most pathetic girl you'll ever see.
The death is just the best way to express our feelings,breathe Avery,breathe.
I think about the last time,I think about how my life was happy for the last few month and I think of the day when I first felt happiness.
I remember about his beautiful hazel eyes and imagine them,I don't blame Ethan in anything honestly,I think everything is about me.I'm never enough,I don't deserve to live.I look down,everything is so small and worth to live.
What is my life?What for should I live for?I have no one and I am no one.
I take a deep breath and..jump.
Seconds feel like hours and I'm in agony before I feel a huge pain and the last thing I hear is someone screaming something.Then everything becomes silent and darkness welcomes me with an evel smirk.

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Yo guys I suck so bad for not posting this long,I'm so so sorry,I had a few problems but now I'm back.
As I told you before I'm making a sequel to this book and I hope you will like it.This is the last chapter of this book and it has a sequel now!
I wanna see your opinions and comments💖

⚠️P.S. I want yall to know I dont promote suicide or self harm in any way,stay positive,love yall❤️