Sex & Sentiments Part Two// Ashton Irwin

Lonely & Lost

Things had been different lately.. to the say the least. Not exactly bad different, just-- different. I was so happy Luke and Ashton were finally friends again, and that things seemed to be going really well for our small little group. The boys spent most of their time together for band practice, Calum had talked them into trying out some song writing which they all seemed pretty excited about.

I had just gotten back home from watching the boys band practice, when I received a text from Ashton.

FROM Ashton: Hey! I'm coming up!

Within a few seconds, there was a knock at my bedroom door, before Ashton let himself in.

"Hi?" I ask confused. I had literally just seen him.

"Hey," He smiles breathlessly, "guess what!"

"What?"

"We just booked a gig at the pub!"

"That's amazing!" I tell him, rushing over to give him a hug, "wait, when did this happen? I just left you guys.."

"I put in a request a few weeks ago and a spots just become available," He couldn't contain his joy at this point if he tried.

I beam at him, "I'm so happy for you guys!"

He takes me in his arms again, squeezing tightly before dipping his head towards me, and leaning in.

I back away from him quickly, "--Ashton.."

"Indie..." he walks over to me.

"I can't.." I say.

He drops his head a little, "You're right, I'm sorry."

I walk over to my bed and lay on top of the covers, staring at my ceiling. Ashton joins me, but keeps a respectable distance.

"Are you okay?" He asks, after a short silence.

"Yeah," I tell him, "I just-- every things changing."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He furrows his eye brows at me.

I turn towards him, so that I'm staring into his hazel eyes, "It's a great thing."

-------

On Saturday afternoon I skipped band practice, in order to squeeze in a therapy session.

"Hello Indie," Amanda beams as I take my seat opposite her, "how are you today?"

I pause. I honestly wasn't sure how I was feeling. "Conflicted," I finally say.

She stares at me a little, before scribbling something down on her notepad, "why is that?" She asks me.

"I was at this place in my life," I begin, "things were looking a little brighter, things were starting to fall into place.."

She nods along to my story, without interrupting me.

"I had found the most amazing people in the world to call my friends, I was becoming myself again, I was happy.."

"Are you not happy anymore?" She asks.

"I want to be. I just feel like everyone knows exactly who they are and where they want to go in life, and I feel stuck."

"Stuck?" She repeats.

"Yeah. Everyone is moving on, and I can't catch up."

She leans forwards in her chair slightly, "Can I let you in on a little secret, off record?"