Sex & Sentiments Part Two// Ashton Irwin

Solitude & Summer

"It's finally beginning to feel like Summer now," Michael says, from undercover, as the rest of us enjoy soaking up the sun in Ashton's backyard.

"I can't wait for the holidays," Lana says.

"Yeah, too bad it only ever feels like 5 seconds before you're right back at school again." Michael says, "Wait!" He sits up quickly, "That's it..."

We all turn to him.

"5 Seconds of Summer.." He says.

We continue to look at him. Some of the boys throw each other looks.

"What?" Calum finally says.

"Our band name.. 5 Seconds of Summer!" Michael says.

No one speaks. Mostly the boys shrug. It's not a terrible idea-- I can see it.

"I'm still stuck on Bromance," Emily says.

"5 Seconds of Summer it is." Ashton concludes.

I smile at him.

"You okay?" He whispers in my ear, out of everyone else's ear shot.

"Yeah," I tell him, "I'm just.. really going to miss you guys."

"We still have some time.." He tells me.

"What, a week? Maybe two?"

"Indie.."

"I'm sorry." I say, I had been trying not to be upset about this whole thing, but it was hard for me.

It was hard for all of us. Emily and Calum took the approach of just not talking about it at all, and I wondered how that would work out in the long run. I didn't know if they would break up, or try it long distance, or what they would do. And honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't ask Ashton to wait for me. Technically we weren't even together. We never had been. It had been a fling. That's all I would ever be to him. Someone he maybe could have loved, once.

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Everyone had been spending as much time as possible with each other. Everyone except me. I felt like I was prolonging the inevitable. My heart was going to be broken either way, and the more I could distance myself from that, the less I was hoping it would hurt. Mostly I stayed locked away in my room, delving into unfinished novels, and tying to get back into art. Maybe it was time I figured out what I wanted to do. Maybe it was time I found my dream.

"Indie?" I hear someone come through the door. I was busy painting with my headphones in, so I don't know how long they were there before I noticed.

"Luke?" I say, looking up for my canvas.

I was sitting on the floor, hunched over a painting I had spent all weekend on. I hadn't even been sure what I wanted to paint-- I just let it happen.

"Wow," he says, hovering above me, "that's.. amazing."

I look up at him, and try out a smile. "Thanks."

I think he was being nice. It really just looked like a big blue blob.

"We've missed you lately," He says, taking a seat on the edge of my bed, as I clean myself up a little.

"I've just been busy," I tell him.

We both knew I was lying.

"So.." he begins, avoiding eye contact with me, "we leave next week.. turns out we just have to finish up a little school work, and we're all set."