"No." He said in defense.
"Okay. What would you have done if I was say, not home, or if I was asleep." I could see his uneasiness as I spoke.
"Sent her home. The girls were home."
Nick cleared his throat.
"If the girls weren't home..."
"God Reagan, nothing would've happened regardless. I learned my lesson, okay? Now, I love you and promise nothing like that is ever going to happen again." He leaned in to kiss me, and I didn't stop him. His hands began feeling my legs and I tried talking, but he told me not to.
The first time I've slept with him, in our bed, in months. I felt....I don't even know how to describe it. He did nothing wrong, it's just my brain telling me I made a mistake. A big one. I got out of bed, my entire body suddenly becoming hot. I looked over to his bare chest rising up and down slowly, and guilt tugged at me like a million ropes.
I hurried downstairs, drinking cold water, and hoping to cool myself down. I stared out the window that looked into the driveway, and I started to get calm. I had no idea why I was suddenly feeling so horrible, so guilty. I drank more water and that's when I heard his raspy voice behind me.
"Everything okay?"
I wasn't sure what to say as I looked at him, standing at the bottom of the stairs in only his boxers. I didn't like feeling like this. My stomach began doing flips, but I couldn't rip my eyes away from him. I swallowed the water in my mouth.
"Uh...yeah. Just, needed a second to myself is all."
"Something isn't okay Reagan. I can see it." I hated that he knew how to tell my emotions in a split second. I put the glass in the sink, going to walk passed him and up the stairs. He followed me without a word and we both got in bed. I breathed a sigh, my back to him.
"It still hurts." I said quietly, tears rolling down my cheeks. I blinked back the others that wanted to come. I heard him breathing, the silence in the room comfortable. He didn't have to say anything. I know that he's sorry.
I also know for a fact that this man would crawl to the end of the earth for me. Break his back just to make sure I'm happy and satisfied. I really don't deserve it at times. I can be a real bitch to him, and we both know it. He'd do anything for me. We fell into a deep sleep without saying another word to each other.
I feel someone's lips on my forehead and I lay on my side. I move and burrow my face into my pillow. I didn't want to get up. I opened my eyes a tiny bit to see Nick and the girls on the bed next to me.
"Do you gotta leave daddy?" Mercy asks him, holding onto his arm like she never wants to let go. He sighed.
"Yeah I do. But I promise you'll have lots of fun with mommy while I'm gone." He hugged them both and they giggled. I yawned and stretched my arms. I sat up in bed, the covers still over my legs.
"Mommy!" Kayla screamed, jumping on me. I hugged her, kissing her over and over. Mercy jumped on me next, her knee pushing into my stomach painfully. When I looked over at Nick, he was smiling. I couldn't help but feel some hint of regret. Guilt. My chest screamed as the girls ran out of our room and he leaned over to kiss my mouth.
His lips felt foreign against mine. I pushed him away quickly, feeling my cheeks heat up. Nick gave me a puzzled look, but just carried on going to his closet and getting clothes for the day. I watched as he tugged his shirt he wore to bed over his head, and he put on a button up in place of it.
I sat in bed, my gaze following his every move around the room.
"I'm sorry, Nick. I really am...it's just-" my voice started to crack as he cut me off.
"You don't need to explain yourself Reagan. I did this to you, and I know it's going to take sometime for you to heal. I'm just glad you gave me another chance." He comes over and sits on the bed next to me, his jeans flattening on his legs as he stretched them in front of him.
"I do forgive you." I choked out, a tear rolling down my cheek. He pulled my into his chest, his strong arms wrapping around me. I put my arms around him, squeezing his sides tightly. I still needed to do some thinking.
"I love you...so much, baby." Nick kisses the top of my head, his lips lingering. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Just a cracked voice. He gave me a small smile before getting up and slinging his backpack on his shoulder, and grabbing his suitcase, one of many he's already got on his bus.
I tied my robe around myself and followed him downstairs, and I got the girls from their rooms. I held Mercy in my arms, Kayla behind us, and put them both at the table. I got them both cereal before Nick said he had to go. His manager and crew was in our driveway, waiting for him.
"Promise me I can trust you? If it happens again...," I couldn't even fathom it. What we'd have to put the girls through and custody battles. It's just a mess.
Nick's POV
"Promise me I can trust you? If it happens again..." I saw the tears glistening in Reagan's eyes, and it killed me. How much pain I had put this woman through. I was so lucky she was giving me another chance, so I could not screw this up.
"I promise you." I held her hands in mine and kissed her forehead. I was praying to God that I could keep this promise. With goodbyes to the girls and one last one to my wife, I headed out the door. John helped me get my bags in the car, telling me that my bus was waiting a few blocks down so people didn't know exactly where my house was. Smart thinking.
"So...how's it going at home?" He asked me when we climbed in the SUV and began driving. The rest of my crew was either in the way back, or up front. I looked at him, breathing out hesitantly.
"It's going,"
John only gave me a raised eyebrow.
"We're...working things out. Slowly. I just don't think she fully trusts me yet-"
"Which is completely understandable." He cut in. I nodded and continued.
"This morning, when I was saying goodbye to her, I could see the worry in her eyes. It sent an uneasy feeling through me."
That's the truth. I saw how worried and scared she looked, and she's got every right. I messed up. And it's time for me to fix this mess.
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