Brokenness Aside

What did I just agree to?

2016- Stevie's POV

It was literally like any other day. I was sitting on my own, in my beautiful living room. Bathed in natural light, everything going blush with the warm glow of the midday sun. Writing in my journal gives me such peace. I could write for hours if people would stop calling or coming over. I mean, not that I mind. I wouldn't be me if I didn't enjoy a good get together now and then but sometimes a girl just needs her space, you know? So here I am, writing and then there goes the phone. It rings and rings...surely Karen will get it? Well, I guess not. I cautiously make my way to the phone. Cautiously only because I pray it stops ringing before I get to it and I can bask in the silence while I've still got it. But it doesn't. It still rings. I pick it up and wait a hot second before I say anything.
"Stevie" I answer. And then I wait. Just before I hang up there comes that oh so familiar voice.
"Steph, its--"
"Lindsey!" I interrupt cheerfully. "What's going on?" I sit down in the sweet little velvet chair by the phone and cross my legs, leaning back to get comfortable. I could talk forever but Lindsey, he's never been one to really call.
"Hey, uhh..." he begins. I make a motion with my hand as if to say 'get on with it' and even though I know he can't see it I really wish he would. Get. On. With it. "Something has happened and I'm not really sure who to come to, who to talk to..."
"Oh!" I sit up, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. I'm not feeling too relaxed anymore. "Please tell, Lindsey, that nothing happened with your beautiful little wife or those precious babies...Say something. Please!" I hear shuffling around, maybe papers or boxes or something like that. I can't really make it out and honestly I try not to focus on it. "You're making me real nervous here, Lindsey"
"I--I left her. We had a huge fight and uh, it all came out. Everything."
"What came out?"
"I, I love you Stephanie" My eyebrows were furrowed and I know, I just know I'm going to get even more lines on this face of mine if I keep at it. "Did you hear me?" He asked.
"I did. And you know I love you too but what's going on here. You've lost me."
"I left her...for you. Steph I'm still in love with you, and this life has been a lie." After that I don't know what he said. I mean, I love this man to death. To death. But where was this coming from. He mentioned a health scare and I was of course scared for him but also relieved because it came back as nothing, thank God. I tuned back in, trying to really listen but my mind was reeling. "...then right after I went home and packed up everything. Every single thing I had then and I was gone. She was gone doing stuff at the stables with the girls and Will was with friends...when she came home the house looked like it had been ransacked and....we had it out. It's over Steph and I just want to know if you're still waiting for me. Steph?"
"I'm speechless. I really am. This is a lot, honey."
"I know"
"And I'm going to really have to think about this...where are you staying?"
"I have a condo I had been renting for a few months that I was using as I don't know really. I mean, hell, maybe it was a back up plan. I don't even know what I'm doing babe, I don't...just please..."
I had to sit the phone down. I had tears in my eyes. I heard his words coming through the speaker still and I just couldn't react until the tears stopped. I took some deep breaths to collect my thoughts, myself and put the phone back up to my ear. "You can talk to me..." I began and it's almost like I could hear him smiling on the other end of the line.
"Let me see you this evening" he said
"I don't know Lindsey, your wounds are really fresh"
"But I know you can help them heal"
"Alright" I said and I surprised myself. What did I just agree to?
"So you'll see me?" Oh yes, I'm agreeing to see him when I know I shouldn't. I should stay as far away from that man as possible. Instead I nodded in response but stupid me, he can't hear my head rattling.
"Yeah, I'll see you"
"Great, 7 okay?"
"Yeah, 7 is fine"
"Thank you so much! God, I can't wait to see you, beautiful"
"Can't wait to see you either, honey" I waited a beat before I hung up. My heart is beating out of my chest and I feel kind of lost. Did I just agree to see him after he walked out on his pretty young wife? Did I just agree to help him through his break up that he caused and let him be with me? After all these years was I still so enraptured that I'm willing to be in the middle of this mess he chose to call a life. Jesus, Stevie, get it together!