Brokenness Aside

Two Lonely People

I have so many unanswered questions and I guess my little break down at the beach proved to me I needed those answers before I could move on. Lindsey dropped me off at home after lunch and I went right to bed, too drained to function. I woke up the following afternoon. I slept for hours, nearly dreamless. I walked about the house and noticed Karen had brought me magazines, made coffee, cleaned up a bit and even did a little grocery shopping. Mental note: this girl needs a raise. She takes such good care of me.
"Good morning, star shine." Karen says, entering my front door.
"The earth says hello" I sing back to her.
"I'm glad you're up. I'm worried about you"
"Oh, you know you don't have to worry about me"
"Do I? I came in, in the evening and you were in bed and your door was locked. I knocked but you never answered. What's happening?"
"Nothing" I tell her as I hoist myself onto a tall, backed stool at the island in the kitchen. I don't make eye contact. My heart is an open wound lately and I fear I might fall apart for the millionth time if I see the concern in her eyes. I feel her looking at me, expectantly. I sigh "Fine. It's Lindsey."
"When isn't it?" She takes a seat next to me. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Lindsey is getting a divorce. He and I have been seeing each other, I guess. The more time I spend with him the more I feel...I've been thinking about Melissa a lot recently." Karen takes my hand and squeezes it. "She was the glue, you know? He didn't speak to me after she..." My voice trailed off as I tried to stop myself from crying but I couldn't. The tears came, the despair crashing over me like a tidal wave. The pain I felt had never fully healed, I just suppressed it. That's what I told Karen and she didn't speak. She cried with me and honestly, it felt good to have someone know how I felt. "Lindsey never talked to me about her. I just don't want to forget my beautiful daughter. My sweet angel...I wanted her more than I've ever wanted anything. I would have given up anything to hold her, to watch her grow. When we lost her, I lost him. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. Then he would leave for hours a day and I would be alone. That was the worst thing he could have done to me. I needed him. It was gradual but then again, it seemed like suddenly one day he just disappeared."
"He called to tell you about Will being born. I remember" I nodded sadly. "What he did wasn't right, and I'm not defending him, but obviously he was hurting too"
"Dammit!" I slammed my fists on the table and got up, pacing. The phone began to ring as it always did. His timing was always perfectly imperfect. He always called when I was vulnerable and I needed him but God, I'm angry, hurt... my heart is still broken. Karen answered it and I hear her trying to get him off the phone. She gave me a look and I waved her away. She sighed heavily and shoved the phone to my ear. "What, Lindsey" He was speaking really quickly and his voice was muffled. He sounded like he was crying. I softened a little and sat down, taking the phone from Karen. "Calm down, baby. What's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry"
"For what, honey"
"I've been thinking about Missy"
"Me too" We were always so in sync.
"I'm so sorry I shut you out."
"Let's not do this on the phone. Come over" After a moment of silence we hang up and I get dressed. I had been in my pajamas pretty much all day. I brushed my long blonde hair and put on a little makeup. Leggings and a chiffon blouse, my uniform, were put on just in time. He came through the gates and was at my door in no time. He caught me in an embrace and I inhaled his beautiful scent. The look in his eyes was heart breaking. I could tell he had been crying for a long time. His eyes were swollen and his voice was barely a whisper. He took my hand in his and brushed his lips against my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling the sensation through my whole body. I needed to feel him. I needed the healing only he could give me. I wanted answers, I wanted comfort, I wanted to feel like the only two people in the world.

---

I took him by the hand and yanked him up the stairs. I pushed him through my bedroom door and straddled him on my giant king sized bed. It's so tall, I had to practically fling myself up there to be with him. I take my top off and I tear at the buttons of his shirt and unbuckle his belt. I don't care about getting completely naked, I just needed skin. I needed warmth. It happened so fast- my leggings were off and he was within me in no time. I gasped as I rode him gently at first then harder and harder, squeezing my own breasts and circling my clit with a saliva drenched middle finger. He held my hips, groaning beneath me. I felt him buck his hips against me and his strokes deepened. I felt him fill me with his release and I kissed him hungrily. He began to play with me, making me move my hands away. I came so hard that I was both surprised and suffering from a severe head rush. I collapsed on top of him as he continued to kiss my neck and chest. He was whispering beautiful promises in my ear. We lay there like that for I don't know how long. I felt so protected and loved in that moment and it felt like I had my Lindsey back. I got off of him and we lay side by side. I reach into my bedside table and grab a joint I had prepared for tonight when I thought I would be alone and Lindsey and I shared this little piece of our past with each other. I remember laying with him on that mattress on the floor many moons ago and smoking so much pot that we would both be rolling around in fits of laughter all night, no matter how difficult things got. Those two lonely kids grew into two lonely adults and we still have absolutely nothing figured out.

Tonight we talked about nothing for hours, we made love on every flat surface we could find, and he promised me I wouldn't wake up alone. I looked into his eyes and I believed him. Maybe this was enough for right now. Limbs entwined, we found each other and by some miracle we were okay. The answers will come one day, maybe tomorrow, but not right now. And that's alright, it's all alright.

A/N- still thinking of a way for him to tell her what happened in those missing months and years. I write in bursts and right now I'm very inspired. I try to update straight through but if you have any ideas or things you think I should incorporate, please comment or message me. Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate everyone who is reading and voting and commenting.