Bad Jokes (JokerxHarley Quinn)

you're gonna have to step over my dead body

You're gonna have to step over my dead body
Before you walk out that door
You charmed me with your magic, landed looking tragic
"Forever" is the feather you ain't got no more
-The Kills, No Wow

I should have known better than to make that promise. I'd forgotten, for a moment, how completely my life had changed—sitting there with Pam, despite the decidedly abnormal surroundings, it was as if the last month had all been a dream, that she was still the only one in need of my substantial loyalty.

Javier's phone buzzed, and as Pam pulled away, I heard him mumbling an answer. She gave him another wary glance, clearly still extremely uncomfortable with the presence of the Joker's men (and frankly, I couldn't blame her—she didn't know them like I did). "By the way, Harley," she said, shifting her gaze to me, her eyes scanning my face and throat, "rough sex is all well and good, but you might want to rethink it when you're doing it with someone who might actually kill you in the middle."

In the old days I might have blushed and scolded, but now I just felt the terrible urge to laugh. I cleared my throat to disguise it, scratching at an eyebrow. "I will... keep that in mind."

"And what are these?" she demanded, indicating the shallow cuts puncturing my skin here and there.

"Knife fighting," I said. Her eyebrows shot up.

"Oh. You're knife fighting now. That's—that's great."

"Harley."

I turned at the sound of my name to look inquisitively at Javier, who was tucking his phone into his pocket. Chaz had slumped to the ground and was sitting morosely like a kicked dog, and I felt a slight pang. I'd need to remember to get pizza later on this week to make up for this whole experience; it was his favorite. "He wants us back," Javier said simply, gaze shifting uneasily between me and Pam. I felt her stiffen up behind me.

"What, he whistles and you come?" she muttered.

I snapped my head around, flashing her a dangerous grin. I loved her, but this mutinous sass was going to get old fast. "Wouldn't that be nice," I snarked, standing up. She followed, grabbing my arm.

"I don't want you to go."

I sighed, feeling torn for the first time since I'd left my home to go find him— but then, of course, Pam had not been in the picture. I wanted to make good on my promise, but I knew I'd need to explain the situation to the Joker first, to make sure he understood exactly what was going on and that my loyalties still lay firmly with him before taking off for a few hours or days to be there for my best friend.

"Believe me," I said softly, "this is the smartest thing to do. I need to go see him right now, but I'm going to come back and we'll work through this."

I spotted a flash of real fear in her eyes before her gaze hardened and she lifted her chin. "Fine."

"Don't pout," I chided her. "I promise. As soon as I can."

"Yeah, whenever that'll be," she said, not exactly relinquishing her sullenness. I tried very hard not to roll my eyes.

"Can we give you a ride back to your apartment?"

She scowled. "With them? Please. I've got a new phone; I'm perfectly capable of making my own way home."

I stared at her, jaw tense, knowing that she was being stubborn and that it could endanger her, but hell, I was one to talk. Finally, I nodded. "Fine. Give me your number and I'll call you soon, figure out where you are and come find you. Um—goes without saying that you shouldn't tell anyone you saw me?"