Bad Jokes (JokerxHarley Quinn)

i'm gonna burn this whole world down

Something inside of me has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there? Did you not realize?
This thing inside of me it screams the loudest sound
Sometimes, I think I could...
I'm gonna burn this whole world down!
-Nine Inch Nails, Burn

I didn't have much time to waste, I flipped down the passenger mirror and got to work on the final touches of my little ensemble.

I was almost hesitant applying greasepaint, as heretofore it had definitely been the Joker's thing, but I sucked it up and smeared some of the white makeup on my face. Carefully, I covered my face, rubbing the paint much thinner than J's, so that my flesh tone was just visible underneath, unlike his. I covered my face, then started on the black.

I applied the black in a thin oval around each eye, tracing the paint over my nose to connect them, attempting a harlequin mask look. I checked my reflection—it wasn't quite right, so I smeared some more paint out from the corners of my eyes at an angle, catlike. I looked again and smirked. Much better.

Tommy was parking. Quickly, I uncapped the black-red lipstick and applied it. I smudged it some in my hurry, but decided to leave it that way—I wasn't going for pristine here. Finished, I looked at my reflection and was pleased at what I saw.

I wasn't the Joker. It wasn't his style. It was mine, but any fool looking at me would be able to tell where my allegiance lay. The time for the subtle approach was long over. The moment I set foot in that asylum, anyone who knew me would know why I was there, makeup or not, so playing it safe was not an option.

I looked over at Tommy. He was staring at me, wide-eyed, as though he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. I ignored the stare, tossing the tins of paint and lipstick into my center console to lighten my pockets some. I now carried my wallet, a knife, a revolver, and a detonator. I figured I was pretty well-equipped.

"Tommy, keep a lookout," I told him firmly. "Something unexpected happens, if the cops start swarming in... pull the fire alarm and hide. Don't run,or I'm gonna hunt you down and gut you, I swear."

He glared at me, but I ignored it, stepping out of the car. "I'll be quick," I told him optimistically, and shut the door. I walked slowly to the entrance. This first test was the most important one—if my access card worked here, then it would work throughout most of Arkham.

Still doesn't help you with busting J out.

I shushed my inner voice. Okay, so I didn't know the code to J's cell—didn't know exactly where he was being kept, for that matter. I wasn't worried. I could find someone who did know, and Gotham's inhabitants were a cowardly lot—when faced with the point of a gun or a knife, they'd spill. Believe me, Arkham's employees were no more or less noble than the rest of Gotham City.

I dug out my access card as I walked. I could feel the tension crawling along my shoulders, sinking into the back of my neck, but even as I approached the door, I could feel a strange calm pooling in the back of my mind, a new sense of certainty. Even if I couldn't get through this way, I had options. Even if I had to take a hostage and blow the charges early, I was getting into Arkham tonight.

I needn't have worried. My key slid into the lock with practiced ease, and green lights blinked as the door buzzed.

Jackpot.

Moving fast, I shoved the door open. I was delighted with the unexpected success, tempted to laugh, but subtlety was key in this opening act. I couldn't bring down a horde of Arkham employees on myself—any one of them could call the police preemptively, and while that wouldn't exactly shoot this little operation in the foot... well, I'd prefer not having to work around it.