Lani's Truths

Lani's Truth #1

Time must takes its course. It's unfortunate sometimes but it's an experienced truth.

Brave girl, you don't have to worry. I know you feel lost. I know you don't always feel like fighting and I know you don't always feel brave. But you've made it this far! That's something, hey? You just have to pick your chin up and roll your sleeves up and maybe look up to the sky for a few moments.

I'm not saying that it isn't hard. I know how it feels to fall on the floor at three am, crying, because everything you built up is falling down around you. I know how that feels. But darling, chaos is only bearable when it's endured by the wild-hearted. Chaos can only been understood by those who have suffered the slings and arrows of despair and who have thrown the white flag screaming, "I won't go down!"

It isn't always easy to be loveable. Sometimes you overreact and get insecure. Sometimes you shut down and withdraw and yes, you can be a chronic over-thinker. But I know this: when you're in love, you give your heart so totally that you forget what life was like before them. All the little things that you nag them about--wear your seat belt, make sure you get some sleep, don't ever walk home that drunk again...those are all ways of saying 'I love you'. Those are all ways of saying 'I love you so damn much it's starting to steal other words' meanings.'

So please, rest easy knowing this: you might not always feel like you're the best at being loved but listen my girl, you do an amazing job at loving. And there is no way to say that one is more valuable than the other.

I have learned this: it's okay if you don't want to dress up today, it's okay if you want to stay in bed. If it's midday and you're still cocooned in a blanket on the couch, don't sweat it. If your friends are going out and you want to stay home, that's alright. If there is something about the loneliness of taking a hot shower that makes you feel vulnerable, it's okay to cry; don't fight it. If you don't feel like eating, you don't have to.

Not today. Because, maybe today is bad. But through all of that, you must be aware of this: everyday won't be like today. One day you will wing your eyeliner and shape your brows. One day you'll roll out of bed and start the day as soon as the sun climbs over the horizon. One day the blanket will be folded on the couch and you will be picking up your friends for a night out. One day, the shower will be warm on your soul and you won't feel like caving in on yourself. One day, you'll be able to eat again and it won't come back up.

That day might not be today and that is okay.

You see, my love, someone special once told me this: the good days are good and they're temporary and the bad days are bad...but they're also temporary.

So be patient with yourself because you're trying your best. Be kind and tender with yourself because at the end of the day, you need to be able to pick yourself up and put your pieces back together. You need to be able to laugh when it's appropriate and you need to be able to sign your name without shaking hands. But most of all, you need to be able to bury that white flag and swear, "I'm never giving up!"