Realization

Chapter 11- Always a Shining Place in the Darkness....Right?

I convinced Richard to let me stay by myself for the night and promised to visit on Saturday and Sundays to spend the days to his house. 

I locked the door and sent the keys flying to the couch and just went to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

I couldn't cry, I had to stay strong for mother, for the both of us and to believe and keep on hoping that she will and had to recover..., I couldn't cry and wouldn't

I've already lost one parent and I don't want to lose another. 

I took the water bottle and climbed the stairs to my room.

I couldn't stand the anger in me, I threw the bottle and took my books on the desk and threw them to the floor and ripped the blanket from the bed and threw myself on the bed and stomped on floor and screamed on my pillow as I felt the hot tears falling off my eyes

 I knew I needed to lose control..., for once in my life.

I felt like I lost everything that I had, my father, my friends, my only boyfriend since freshman year and now my mother..., NO I would not stand for it, maybe that why am lying down crying

I can't stop it, I hate myself for been born.

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I woke up feeling the sunlight on my face, I got off the bed and walked to the bathroom

 I saw my reflection on the mirror, my tanned face looked like it just got sucked out of energy as my long lashes soaking wet from all the crying I did yesterday. 

My eyes puffy and red and my lips chapped and dry and my hair looked like birds just died..., just like I felt, shit.

I quickly cleaned the black mascara from my face and took a long hot shower before I forced myself out to get ready for another miserable day of my life; 

I walked to the bedroom and wiped the water off my body as I looked around the closet for what to wear.

Black, defiantly, I feel like mourning for somebody who died

I guess I know where I am going to spend the rest of my day, in the cemetery. 

I took in my black vest and black ripped jeans and took my woolen sweater and my black and white sneakers and raced down to the kitchen to fix a quick break-fast.

PEEP-PEEP..., PEEP-PEEEEEEEEEPP

What is going on out there 

I walked out the house see an Acura MDX legend car, they are like the latest car on sale!!! 

I took a quick look at the clock which read 3: 58..., great is that...

"Hazan" I asked

"That's me!!! I believe we had a date"

There blows my chance of been in the cemetery for the rest of the day.

"Hazan..., am so sorr-" I began

"Ah ah, enter the car am not taking no for an answer, because you said you would"

"I know but-"

"But nothing, c'mon were burning daylight"

Wait! Where have I heard that, I know I've heard it somewhere but where?? My memory is a bit hazy

"I need to get dressed"

"You look great c'mon Morgan"

I gave up, knowing Hazan at this short time I know he is a quite impatient person, and I guess I didn't need to change, it was only an excuse.