Buzzkill [Winter Soldier]

Chapter 5

Ruth didn't even know that there was the option to either adjust or get it all taken away. Why is it that she adjusted so easily to a place like this?

When Ryker came out of the room hours later, the only things he knew were his name, who he worked for, that this place was his home, and that the Woman was to be respected. Ruth reintroduced herself to him, and a part of her heart sank as she knew all the sacred memories he had of his mother were now thrown away, and could never be felt again.

    Over the next five years of being there, Ruth completely lost any trace of a Swedish accent, learned multiple new languages, developed an incredible skill with a knife, knew many people within the intelligence community, and knew how to make someone disappear. Along with what she learned from the Woman, Ruth learned the ins and outs of the people here and how they functioned.

What started out as a relationship with Ryker based on pity, evolved to him and Ruth developing a friendship where he was more like a sibling to her than she had ever known. They had a mutual respect and understanding of one another and how each other felt. In those years, in the back of her mind, Ruth never stopped wondering why she adjusted so easily, why she didn't protest when she got here, and why she couldn't remember her past like Ryker did.

Two years before, at ten years old, Ruth fired her first shot into a living, breathing person. For many minutes she just stood there with her left arm stretched out with a pistol in her hand lined up in front of her, pointed exactly where the Woman wanted it to be. A device was wrapped tightly around Ruth's right arm that sent electric shock through her body anytime the Woman pushed a button. The first time the Woman told her to shoot, Ruth refused, and the device shocked her. A milder shock, but still one to try and jolt Ruth out of her disobedience. The Woman told Ruth again and again after moments of silence, Ruth refused, and the shock came a little more powerful. The Woman told Ruth again, now standing up beside her, with a cutting voice that sent fear down Ruth's spine. Tears formed in Ruth's eyes. She managed to softly whisper her refusal. The shock struck her again, becoming even more sharp and painful.

    "Shoot him." The Woman's words cut through the room.

    Ruth wanted to cry, she wanted to run away, but she couldn't. "I can't."

    Shock.

    "Yes, you certainly can! Shoot him now!"

    "No." Ruth couldn't help the tears from flowing, she knew the shock was coming. She knew it was getting worse.

    "Shoot him! Pull the trigger!"

    "No!"

    Shock.

    The electric pulse was crippling. Ruth couldn't see through the blur of the tears in her eyes now.

    "Come on, how hard is it to pull the trigger? Exhale and shoot!"

A gun shot echoed as Ruth shot. She didn't know if it was intentional or not. As soon as the gun fired, the tears stopped. Ruth was silent, she stood frozen in her tracks, her eyes wide as she watched the body fall to the ground.

    "Good. Now go get some lunch," The Woman told her plainly, removing the device and walking away to write some notes onto a clipboard.

    Ruth put the gun down on the table in front of her, and walked out of the room.

Her chest felt heavy as if her heart had burst from the stress. Ruth didn't eat lunch that day, or for a couple days after. She didn't even think about food.

Her metabolism was so high that after a couple of days, Ruth couldn't even stand without overwhelming dizziness. When Ruth did eat again, with the facility's nurse consistent urging, it took two solid days to get some of her strength back.

    After her twelfth birthday, Ruth's questions in her mind became too loud. Suddenly, she didn't believe what the Woman had said to her. Ruth's trust in the Woman disappeared in an instant.

Ruth confronted the Woman in the privacy of an office early one day, telling her that she didn't believe that her parents didn't care about her anymore or that they were never coming back. Ruth wanted proof.

    The Woman stared coldly into Ruth's eyes, a shadow of anger woven through her expression, "Fine," She uttered. "I'll show you."

    The Woman and Ruth got in the back seat of one of the facility's cars and were driven to a cemetery in Malmö. The crisp fall leaves crinkled beneath their feet as they walked through the grounds. Ruth didn't know where the Woman was taking her to as they weaved throughout the cemetery. Ruth thought that maybe her parents were dead.

They stopped. Directly in front of them was a clean-cut tombstone. Under a beautiful tree, in finely carved Swedish, it read:

RUTH ROGERS

FEBRUARY 4th 1992 - DECEMBER 3rd 1998

Beloved daughter and sister, taken from us too soon.

    Ruth's heart felt as if it had stopped, her feet rooted to the ground. A wave of nausea struck her stomach and a chill ran through her body.

    "I don't understand," Ruth mumbled. "The date I died is the day you picked me up. It's the day she sold me. How...they never looked for me?"

    "Nope. They didn't need to. They knew exactly where you were."

    "How...how did they say that I died?"

    "Your mother said she was taking a walk with you by the ocean, and that you leaned a little too far over the railing and fell in. In the cold of winter the police knew it was humanly impossible for anyone to survive in that water, especially a six year old girl."

    The blur of tears in Ruth's eyes made it hard to see. The lump in her throat made it hard to breathe.

    "She called the local authorities in a panic, which was great acting on her part," the Woman continued. "They searched everywhere in that water for your body, but couldn't find it. They thought by the time they arrived that your body had already washed far away from there. The authorities ruled your death as an accident. Your family put together a funeral, they mourned, and that was it." She chuckled, "You should have seen the newspapers."

    Ruth didn't know what to say. The overwhelming emotion took over her mind and she couldn't stop thinking about every little moment of that day. She wondered if there was some sort of sign that gave away how unwanted she was.

    "You were telling the truth," Ruth muttered.

    "Of course I was. What advantage would I have in lying to you? You know by now that I could have very easily erased your memory and started over."

    Ruth felt cold, still in shock as to what was happening.

    The Woman placed her hand on Ruth's back and led her to the car, "Let's go home."