Buzzkill [Winter Soldier]

Chapter 32

It all made sense. It was all coming back. The horrors were happening again. They were going to wipe his memory, just like they did to Ryker...It was just like Ryker...And just like last time Ruth couldn't do anything about it. Her heart now pounded against her chest and she felt an overwhelming warmth on her face as she paced between the cell door and the tablet on her bed. Ruth slammed her fist against her cell door,

"Get me out of here! You can't do this!" Ruth yelled to anyone who would listen. She looked at her hand as she held it against the window on her door, it began to violently shake. It was then that she realized her mind began to swarm with voices and noises.

No one was around her, no one heard.

She sat on her bed and tried to breathe so her mind would steady long enough for her to watch and listen to the video showing on the tablet. Ruth saw James being led to the chair and sat down. They didn't put restraints on him, they seemed to be helping him, repairing his arm.

As the lab coats and the machinery worked, Ruth concentrated on James and his expressions. The expressions were so familiar it frightened her, he was remembering something. After a couple minutes of changing expressions from vacant to crowded, from desperation to despair, James suddenly sat foreword. The one lab coat continued on James' arm, cautiously looking at James in case of an outburst. Ruth looked to see if something would happen, everything was too quiet. Suddenly, in a burst of emotion, James shoved the one lab coated man across the room with a single movement of his metal arm.

No... Ruth silently said to herself.

She knew what that would mean. There was a pause before a guard came up to him and tried to calm him down, but they didn't restrain him.

Something caught Ruth's eye as it came past her door. It was Pierce striding by with guards, including Agent Rumlow, at his side. Pierce didn't even glance at Ruth when he passed.

On the video, Ruth heard indistinct mumbling between Pierce and Dr. Mage as Pierce made his way into the room. Pierce ignored the words Dr. Mage kept trying to say to him and strode to stand in front of James.

"Mission report," Pierce demanded, his words taking up the room.

James said nothing, he didn't even look into Pierce's eyes.

"Mission report, now."

James still didn't say anything. Ruth wondered if he could hear Pierce at all.

Pierce's patience fled and he slapped James hard across the face. It startled Ruth, her heart jumped.

There was a slight pause.

"The man on the bridge...who was he?" James asked Pierce, and Ruth wished he didn't. First the first time in who knows how many years, James has finally remembered something, and now they're about to take it all away.

"You met him earlier this week on another assignment," Pierce replied, keeping his voice even.

Ruth could see by James' furrowed brows and troubling expression that he wasn't buying it.

"I knew him," Bucky uttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

Ruth's heart hurt watching this play out.

"Your work has been a gift to mankind. You've shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time," Pierce started.

Ruth recognized the words as the same ones Pierce said to her all those months ago. It was Pierce's haunting voice that brought back that memory. Ruth's mind traveled while Pierce finished talking, and she noticed the pause.

"But I knew him." James' voice gave away all his emotions. Ruth could see his face break, his eyes became full of an indescribable sadness.

Pierce sighed and turned to Dr. Mage, "Prep him."

"But he's been out of cryo freeze too long," Dr. Mage interrupted Pierce from leaving. Ruth scoffed at the nerve Dr. Mage had. She knew he would manipulate anyone he could into getting his way. If Dr. Mage wanted James' memory to be wiped, it would happen. Now Ruth knew how James stayed alive this long; cryo freeze.

"Then wipe him, and start over," Pierce commanded.

Mage got what he wanted. Even from the video Ruth could see the stupid grin on Mage's face.

James knew what was coming. He just wish he could do something, anything, to understand the memories that were moving around in his mind at a million miles per hour. The lab coats pushed James back against the chair and gave him a rubber guard to put in his mouth to lower the volume of his screaming and stop him from hurting himself.

Ruth watched intently, trying to convince herself that this wasn't happening. She set the tablet down on the bed because her hands were shaking so violently she couldn't hold anything.

James' breathing became heavy, sporadic. His muscles tensed in anticipation before the panels even touched his head.

When the panels were secured around James' skull, they were ignited.

His screams of pain and agony were immediate after the electricity made it's way to his brain. Ruth didn't want to watch, she couldn't, but even if she turned her eyes away from the screen she could hear James' screams from her room; they were horrifying. His screams brought back more screams into Ruth's mind that she couldn't get out. The sound is the ultimate sound of agony and torture that no one could dare to describe to someone who hasn't heard it. Ruth held her head, trying to see if the more pressure she put against her temples the more the voices and screams begin to fade. She looked back at the screen, the voices not ceasing at all. She could see James' pain was excruciating, it was aimed directly at his head. All at once the electric panel to her arm to activate the serum didn't seem so bad.

The time it took to recalibrate James' mind seemed to pass slowly, and it caught Ruth's eye when Pierce walked by her cell door. She was fighting her mind, she wanted to help Hydra...didn't she? She needed to help Hydra, that was her job. They cause so much pain, they don't care about the pain of others. But what else has she known? Why is pain a bad thing? Pain must be used to control, right? That's why Hydra does it, to control.

But why all the pain...why tear someone's mind and life apart for control?

What was the point?

She didn't know anything else, pain was normal.

Then why did it hurt so much to see someone else in pain?