Buzzkill [Winter Soldier]

Chapter 24

By Dr. Mage's orders, Ruth was isolated to her cell for three days with no training or injections. The only thing Ruth was able to do besides wait for the cuts and bruises on her face to heal, was wait indefinitely for someone to do something to her, and be consumed by her thoughts. Now that she was told it affected her, Ruth concentrated on what the serum was doing to her mind. It seemed to amplify the darkness, taking over and diminishing the light. Her initial thought of the serum was that it was taking the evil and darkness away, she now knew she couldn't be more wrong. It was doing the opposite. More than that, Hydra could somehow use that darkness for their own good. Ruth thought she had her mind, it felt as if nothing had changed. Ruth thought she was herself, and that she would still never work for Hydra. Was it really the serum that was changing her will? Or was it just her willingness to do anything out of fear? But there's nothing to be afraid of, she is not afraid of death. Even if she is compliant, they'll still do the injections. Maybe she was right that the serum wasn't doing anything, maybe that's who she really is.

    On the third day of isolation, Ruth was taken out of her cell and into an interrogation room. It was so similar to the room she was first taken into when she arrived here, that she wondered if it was the same one. After being sat down and cuffed, Dr. Mage walked in to do a psychological evaluation. For the first time, Ruth noticed that he had a pistol attached at his hip.

    Once he sat down and tediously adjusted his pen, paper, and clipboard on the desk, Ruth spoke up to him.

    "You're not suddenly afraid of me, are you?" Ruth asked patronizingly.

    "It depends. That was quite the burst of anger the other day, Miss Rogers."

    "My name is Ruth. Miss Rogers died twelve years ago."

    Dr. Mage gave a laugh. "Yes, do forgive me with those technicalities. Your mother was so quick to claim you as dead, wasn't she?" He looked directly into her eyes, but she showed no change in expression.

    "Was that supposed to get a reaction out of me? I learned well before I came to Hydra what my mother did to me and how she really thought of me."

    "Before Hydra?" Dr. Mage let out a forced, mocking laugh. "You've always been Hydra."

    Ruth paused and looked at Dr. Mage, confused.  "What do you mean?"

    "The Mrs that you worked for back in Sweden? She was Hydra. I mean, sure, she wasn't exactly the Red Skull herself but she worked with and for us. She would raise up the best agents, and we would take the ones we wanted. "

    Ruth suddenly felt cold, her chest ached with grief.

    "Why do you think the first language you learned over there was Russian?"

    She didn't want to believe it, "I thought you Hydra people were very proud about your status. Not once did she ever mention to any of us at that facility that she was Hydra. In fact, she told us to keep away."

    "Well, she was an American. I wouldn't expect her to go telling everyone about her affiliation with Nazi's," Mage started. "There's a difference between wanting to keep her organization true to her name, and actually staying away from the Hydra name completely. So I'm not sure if there really is anything for me to be mad about. But if there is, maybe you killing her was the best thing you could have ever done for Hydra, so thank you."

    Now all Ruth felt was rage. She didn't know where the anger should be directed to. Was she angry at Dr. Mage for talking about the Woman that way? Why would she feel defensive at what Mage was saying?

    "Do you still want to get out of here? Do you still want to do some work for us?" Dr. Mage asked Ruth.

    She tried hiding her emotions the best she could so he wouldn't have anything negative to write down, but she didn't know what the serum would expose.

    "Of course I want to get out of here. Being stuck in a cell for days on end is definitely a waste of all that training you've been having me do."

    "Well then I think that we should have you try again, start over. Let's pretend that little mishap a couple days ago didn't happen, and that this is your very first mission, ok?"

    Ruth still didn't know how to respond to his loaded questions paired with his maniacal expressions. Ruth kept her voice even, "Ok."

    "Good, good," Dr. Mage replied with a smile, getting up from his chair.

    "But if I'm going to be doing missions with someone, I need to know who they are." Ruth interrupted his leaving, and he sat back down in the chair.

    "Do you?" His voice mocked.

    "Yes. Who is James?"

    Dr. Mage leaned back in his chair, smiling. He didn't know what he had to lose in telling her. "Sargent James Barnes. He fought and died in World War II. He's like you in that way, proclaimed dead, now goes by another name. A partial name."

    World War II, Ruth thought to herself. Same as Steve Rogers. Ruth thought of Mage as naive to explain anything to her about Hydra's other "assets". Just because she didn't know Steve Rogers personally, doesn't mean she doesn't know a lot of details about her cousin. The Woman made sure of that.

    "Does he know that? Does James know who he is?" Ruth asked, still prodding for answers.

    "No. He knows his name is James, and that he works for Hydra and Hydra only." Dr. Mage leaned close to Ruth over the table, "But, Miss Ruth, I do doubt that you'll tell him what his true identity is, because if you did, we would put his mind back in the blender and erase every living trace of his name and yours." He gave a slight laugh, making Ruth's skin crawl, but she didn't move. "You should really see it sometime, the erasing process, it's delightful to watch. When you look into their eyes, you can see the exact moment when the light fades away and they become numb. A blank canvas where you can tell them anything and they'll believe it."

    Ruth tightened her jaw and clenched her fists.

    "And I know that you'll enjoy seeing that sort of pain, Ruth. After all, you didn't even need your mind to be erased to inflict that kind of pain onto someone. That's what makes you so  special to me." Dr. Mage placed his hands over hers, something that made her flinch and instinctively pull away. He then stood back up, grabbed his notes, and left.

    Ruth felt sick to her stomach. He had just affirmed her thoughts that had been constantly running through her mind since she was a child.

A war of thoughts, interrogations, and voices dashed through her mind, commanding her, pushing her to do something.

She would do it. Ruth decided when she was once again back in her cell, that she would do any task they asked of her. This was her life. This was what she was sold for and raised for. If these were the people Ryker went to to seek out help, if that's what he gave his life for, she would do it. Ruth knew that she would do anything she could to honor Ryker and what he did for her, even if it killed her.

    The serum doesn't work on me. It's not doing anything to my mind that they intended. I feel fine, I look fine, I feel stronger than I have before. It's not controlling my mind, they're not controlling my mind, I am.

If only she knew that the biggest thing the serum did to her, was lie.