After class, Lydi was waiting for him. Karden didn't know why. She didn't frown, or smile, or do anything. It seemed she never did anything. But something had made her wait for him, so something had happened, and she had done it.
Karden was getting too introspective for his own good.
"You like to be safe, don't you."
From the way she said it, it wasn't much of a question. Karden frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Amber Delaney is safe. And everyone says that I'm not, though I don't know why." She bit her red lip. "You like to be safe. But life isn't meant to be safe."
Karden stepped out of the doorway so the rest of the students could get out, but Lydi didn't budge from her place beside the door. Apparently, he was having this conversation if he wanted to or not.
He sighed. "Life isn't meant to be anything. Life is life, and it came by accident."
"Doesn't mean it can't have a meaning. Otherwise, why would we love each other?"
"We, like us? Because I don't - "
"We, like humans." She rolled her eyes. "If all we need is fuck, then why fall in love? Because love gives meaning, and life needs meaning."
"That's a stupid philosophy." Karden didn't think that at all. He just wanted to forget that he actually thought it was smart. He glanced down the hall, and saw Amber Delaney wave at him. "Look, Lydi - I know I asked for a light that one time, but let's just . . . let's just pretend it never happened, all right?"
"So you can maintain your social status among the carnivorous teenage miasma?" Lydi laughed. It wasn't a real laugh - more of a snort. "But I thought life was meaningless."
"It is. You wouldn't understand."
"Make me understand."
"I don't want to. I don't know you."
"Didn't stop you and Connor from talking about me like you did." She cocked her head at him. He was starting to wonder if her vertebrae were weak, if she needed to keep doing that. "Fine. Go. If you need a light, I'll be on Jasper Bridge all night."
"Don't wait up."
Her lips twitched, like she wanted to smile but had forgotten how. "It's not a problem."
She turned and walked away.
Too late, Karden said, "I'm still not coming."
Too late to convince himself.
Hell, he was going.
YOU ARE READING
cigarette daydreams
Short Story"hey - lydi, got a light?" "literally, metaphorically, or spiritually? because i have none." "that's a bit gloomy, don't you think?" "it's punk rock."
