cigarette daydreams

/19

The sun rose. It rose too hopeful, too bright. Karden thought it should rain. Or maybe snow some more. Not be sunny. It didn't fit.

His watch beeped. It was eight.

Okay.

He was going to go see her.

But as he walked, he couldn't help the thoughts that seeped back into his mind. Memories of the car accident. Meaningless death. And here Lydi was, proclaiming that life had some great inner meaning, when she was battling something bigger than both of them.

And suddenly, he was angry. He was so, so angry, and this time, it wasn't at himself. No. It was at Lydi.

Lydi Stern.

The strange girl in seventy-five percent of his classes. The strange girl with a strange taste in music. The strange girl with the holey leggings and the bright red lipstick. The strange girl to whom he'd poured out his soul to.

The hospital was still half-asleep. The same woman was still there. She called him over. "You need a visitor's pass."

Karden numbly walked over, taking the proffered clip.

"Name?"

"Karden Ryes."

"She's in room one fifty-seven. Just down that way."

And he walked off.

The hallway smelled like antiseptic and death. It stretched into forever. And then he reached the end.

157.

He didn't know what to do. Should he knock? Should he just walk in?

The choice was made for him.

The door was pulled open.

Lydi stood there. A bandage was taped to her right temple. She wasn't wearing her leggings or her red lipstick. She was wearing hospital pajamas. Without all the dark colors around her, she looked less pale.

Head cock. "Karden."

His chest heaved, but no words came out.

"I'm sorry I was busy this week."

More empty breaths.

"Do you need a daydream?"

And then, the explosion. "No, I don't need a daydream, Lydi! I need to fix you! I need to help, and how am I supposed to help when you act like nothing's wrong? Let me help you. Let me - "

"You can't fix a tumor. Not like mine." She cocked her head again at tapped her temple under the bandage. There was no inflection in her voice.

"Then - then - " Karden searched for words, but there were none. A streak of heat ran down his cheek. He was crying. He didn't care who saw. There were just no words anymore, none except: "Lydi."

She smiled softly. "We all die, Karden."

"But you can't die. You can't."

"And why not?"

"Because...because..." And then the feeling in the pit of Karden's stomach made sense. It made more sense than anything ever had, and he knew why everything was falling apart. Because that was what was supposed to happen. "Because, Lydi, I love you."