Well... This is it. The last time in ten months I see his fluffy, gold hair. The last time I see his beautiful hazel eyes in ten months. The last time I hear his voice and the last time I hear his cancer curing, world hunger and all wars ending laugh.
Uhh... I'll miss him so much. Why can't we live in some alternative universe were we are both gay and he likes me and isn't going to France for 10 months? Why can't he at least be gay? Or~ O-or~ at least be happy hare? Why can't everyone just fucking be happy? Like, yes, I too have my days of sadness. But I learnt that if you don't let the sadness consume you and realise that depression is just a cloud and you are the sky and just like the clouds it comes and goes, but you, you don't move. You don't go, you don't fly away with the depression, you become so much happier. This metaphor of the sky and the clouds helped me a lot when I was at my lowest. So, why can't it~
"Cal?" Ashton's voice brought me back to earth. "Yeah?" I said turning my head to look at him. He didn't say anything just opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but immediately closed it. We were standing in the airport next to the line to security. "I'll miss you" I couldn't look him in the eyes saying this sentence. I would say I promised myself not to cry but that's the same as saying I would actually study this year (for school. Just to be clear) he hugged me tightly and I hugged him back "I'll miss you too." We didn't say anything else. He kissed me on the forehead like a father does to his son or daughter before leaving. "Bye" he said. "Bye..." I said just over a whisper.
A 1000 words. No! 1000000s of words left unsaid. Unspoken. And forgotten. I should have probably said somethings about me liking him more than just a best friend or brother. I didn't. You can now start calling me Cally because I have less balls than a new born girl.
I have to go back to hell...I mean prison. Uh. I mean scho~ nah, I meant hell. I have to go back to that Hell hole in less than a month. I literally have 0 friends. The only person I can actually talk to without being afraid of saying something I shouldn't is my sister and she's at home only for like 2 days a month, if, I'm lucky.
Yeah... I guess the rain season in my head is starting.
