Alpha Stone

16 -Phases

I wake up having no idea where I am, what's going on? Where the hell am I? Panic rises I try to place myself. Wait, deep breathes focus on what you do know. My head is banging something fierce, and my neck is on fire. Actually, I feel like I'm burning, everywhere. Suddenly suffocated I feel the need to move, get out of here for some reason but I find I can't move my body, I just can't do it.

My limbs feel like lead. I am trapped here and I have never felt more suffocated. My tears free fall on their own accord and I am helpless to stop them.

***

The second time I wake up to the sounds of a bedtime story being read but I cant place the voices. It's more just a random listing of objects and animals then anyone reading anything really. I hear shuffling and the rustling of sheets, small hands use my arms as an anchor as they move towards me on both sides.

A kiss on both cheeks at the same time.

"Night momma," one voice mumbles into my cheek.

"Love you," another mumbles on my other side.

More rustling sheets small bundles of warmth press into my sides. The burning in my veins ignites further.

Sleep beckons.

***

Light hits my face, directly on my eyelids. I am loathe to do anything about it. I feel as if this body of mine is too weak to even turn away. I push down the wave of anxiety welling up inside me of not being able to see anything, not being able to move. Not knowing where I am.

I try to connect to my wolf, reaching deep inside myself to find her but she is hidden. She has been hurt and so she is hiding, knowing that in our weakened state neither of us can help each other now.

I sigh, my heart heavy I long for a hug or some form of physcial comfort.

I feel cool hands on my forehead, the inside of my wrists, gently pressing. Assessing.

"She is still too hot, sir and isn't responding to any medication. We have tried –"

"Then try harder," a harsh voice interrupts the first man. My heart flutters slightly at the sound of his voice I am unsure as to why.
Thinking keeps the pain away, keeps me from thinking about the pain.

It is always there, pulsing away relentlessly. The fire in my veins a constant crashing and receding like waves on a beach.

It is odd that I can hear but cannot see, cannot move.

What kind of conciousness is this?

***

Something is happening, I am moving but not moving. I am being moved.

My throat tightens and I begin to panic. Why am I being moved?  And to where? By whom?

I fight to keep my breaths even, fight to keep the very little control I have.

My brain can't stop, it is projecting images to my retinas of times when we have been immobile before, when we have not had control before.

In bad times.

In very bad times.

I whimper, it is barely audible but the movement has stopped. I hear a gasp, then footsteps moving away from me, running.

Stomping, towards me, getting louder and louder.

Then an abrupt stop.

"Alexandria," the voice from before says I feel his hands cupping my cheeks. My wolf is reaching out to him, she is leaving her self imposed solitude and is moving towards his touch.

She says even thought she is hurting, even though he is the cause of our hurt we still need him. He has hurt us? What did he do?

"Can you hear me?" He asks, she wants to answer him. Tell him yes we can, thank him for coming here to us again. Show him a sign.

But I do not. He has hurt us.

How, I don't  remember.

She does not care for what I think, she is happy once more. He is here. And that for her is enough.
***

I need to move.

I need to move.

I want to feel the breeze in my hair, the sun on my back, the ache of my muscles after they've been pushed too far. 

I want to hug my kids.

I need to move.

I need to get off this bed and move.

But I can't, my body won't let me.

And just like I am helpless to move my body I am helpless to stop the tears falling too.

***

The pain has not gone, but it has dulled since he came and touched us. My wolf feels more strengthened. How long have I been here, in this state? I'm not sure. I have no sense of time but to hazard a guess it has been a few days for sure.

My body is no longer burning, it is now just concentrated in my neck with the occasional flare through my body. I wish I could remember what happened, clearly it was something monumental.

I wish I could start moving now, feel the ache of my muscles as they move past their limit.

I wish I could feel my children, to hug them, to comfort them, to kiss them.

I wish I could go see MJ, touch her bump, pray for a kick.

I wish I could hop on a plane, see the world, place bricks and mortar around my pain – literally.

I wish I had never come here.

***

Sorry for the delay in posting, had bad writers block the next few chapters will probably be a bit shorter than normal but I'm going to keep trying to post weekly from now!

I'd love to know what you think so remember to comment and vote! <3