Just Friends

2.17.16

I've been waiting all day for him to reply to my apology I sent him. I sent him a huge paragraph telling him how much I love him and how much better I'll treat him...I know I couldn't be without him. But he never seemed to answer. It broke my heart when I seen him walk into the school on his phone. He obviously read my message.

I was in 4th period when I seen the worst thing. He was walking with another girl...a girl I've never even seen before. I've never seen him walk with another girl. And for some reason I felt so much jealousy. I wasn't used to it. I couldn't figure out if my emotions were anger or sadness. I took one glimpse at him and the girl and felt so disgusted. That's why he left me. For another girl. He broke my trust. He fucking lied to me. He said he would always want only me. He fucking said he would never cheat on me. He is walking with this other girl the day after breaking up with me. My emotions were horrible. I couldn't hold them in so I just started crying. I just sat there in my desk and let the tears come running down my face. I heard my heavy breathing as I cried silently. I could even feel my body shake with so much anger. People in my class asked if I was ok and they hugged me. But I couldn't say anything. I was at a loss for words. All I could do was sit, stare, and let my thoughts come through.
What did I do?
Why was I not good enough?
Was I too ugly?
Was I too fat?
Did I not wear enough make up?
Was my hair not nice enough?
Was I not popular enough for him?
Was I a bad girlfriend?
Was I just a fling?
What did I do wrong?