Yours, Eternally(2015 Revision)

Chapter Eighteen

My siblings hardly interacted with me in the following twenty-four hours that followed as I confined myself to my room. Kylie checked on me around noon the next day and brought a grilled sandwich cheese and a bowl of tomato soup for lunch. I reluctantly ate as she sat with me on the bed.

“You should come downstairs for a bit.”

“I really don't want to, Kylie. I just need to think and filter this.”

“What you need to do is talk. We're all grieving and need each other right now.”

“I can't talk about something I can't get my thoughts around. Kylie, I am questioning everything I've ever believed in.”

There was a soft knock at my door and Tyler entered. “Hey.” He joined us on the bed.

“Maybe you can talk some sense into her, 'cause I can't get through.” Kylie was clearly losing patience with me and left the room.

Tyler turned to me, clearing my tray of food and propping it on the nightstand “You can't stay cooped up in here. You have to continue living for the dead, Addison. He would've wanted you to.”

For the first time ever, my brother matured with this statement. “I know, I just need time. And now, I need to go back to sleep.”

“K, love you.” Tyler said, as he picked up the tray and exited the room.

“Love you, too.”

As soon as the door latched closed, my cell phone chirped. Jesus, I just wanted to be left alone. I grabbed my cell to defer the call, but after seeing who it was, I decided to pick up. “Hello?”

“Addison, it's Vicky.” Her voice was warm. “How are you?”

I had to admit, it was nice speaking to an outsider. My four walls were quickly giving me cabin fever. “Hey, Vicky, thanks for calling. I'm managing as best as I can. Mostly just laying around.”

“I understand. Everyone at work sends their love. But my reason for calling is to let you know that the wake is Thursday at two and the Mass is Friday at nine. Matt is being cremated. James decided to close Adtastic until the following Monday.”

“Wow,” I breathed into the phone.

“Yeah, well James knew his family for a long time.”

“I remember.”

There was a pregnant pause before Vicky spoke again. “Look, I am sorry for acting like I do sometimes, Addison. I do like you. You are everything I wish I could be. You're pretty, smart, independent, you've worked hard for everything you have. And, I know you're not too fond of me.”

As the conversation took this unusual turn, face burned with guilt, Unknowing of how to respond to her statement, I chose my words carefully. “I'm sorry, Vicky, for ever giving you that impression. And thanks for those awfully nice things you said about me.”

“Be honest, not many people like me. I heard I'm a bitch.”

Wow, word sure traveled. 

“Let's put it behind us, Vicky. Your reaching out to me was a great thing.”

“Yeah, well, anyways, do you and your family want to ride in together? I'm not too far from you.”

“Sure, I don't see why not. But I got dibs on driving. ”

Vicky chuckled into the phone. “Are you sure?” “Absolutely,” I replied, actually smiling a bit at the thought of a budding new friendship.

After Vicky and I spoke for a few more minute, we hung up and back into a restless sleep I wondered, haunted by endless dreams of Matt. My eyes snapped open to the pitch dark room at one twenty the following morning. I stared into the blackness as my eyes adjusted, trying to form clarity in my boggled mind. The remembrance of the last couple days was finally coming back to me in memory overload. The print of as the newspaper article danced in my head, which then made me envision Matt spinning in the swing just a couple days before. His smile. His face. Every moment we spent together. I was drowning in five months of memories.

Tears welled in the corners of my eyes and an unsettled stomach approached again as I tried to convince myself that this was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. His presence, his scent lingered all around me. I grabbed the pillow that he had once laid his head upon and held on to it as tightly as I could, using what little strength I had left. My grandparent's deaths hadn't even had this big of an impact on me, maybe because the way they died was welcomed as more natural, unlike Matt’s death. I needed answers, or maybe just more sedatives to completely numb my mind. Any clarity I searched for was soon faded, as I suddenly, lunged out of my bed and sprinted for the bathroom, making it just in time of heaving.

Someone heard me, because a minute later there was a stomping up the stairs. “Addison?”

“Yes,” I called between placing my forehead on the cool porcelain and vomiting again. “Please don’t come up.”

I guess Tyler’s legs were longer than I always thought, because before I finished the last part of my sentence, he was standing behind me in the doorway of the bathroom. “You sure don’t look alright. Do you need anything?”

I looked up from the toilet bowl to see Tyler’s face look of pity me. I must have looked like hell. “It’s just nerves. Where's Kylie? Is she still mad?”

“She passed out around eleven. She'll get over it, she's just really upset.” He plopped down on the floor beside me and gave me a hug, resting his head on my shoulder. “I'm so sorry, Addy. We're all gonna miss him.”

“I know, Ty, but please, let's not talk about it now. Go to sleep. I'll be fine. Really.” I knew Tyler’s intentions meant well, but I just wanted to be left alone.

He didn’t argue with me. He stood up and handed me a washcloth from the vanity under the sink, wet it and wiped my face. “Wake one of us up if you need anything.”

“I will. But, I'm actually feeling a little better now. I'm going to make some tea and go back to sleep. We will talk in the morning.”

Tyler nodded in understanding and left the bathroom. I scrambled to get up from the floor, feeling less weak and ran a shower to clean off the scent of sickness that was all over my body. The water felt light and warm against my skin, like Matt’s touch. The thought sent me back into hysteria and with my back against the wall of the shower, I sank down and curled up in the tub, sobbing as the shower head poured over me like the night we got stuck in the rain.