Leap of Faith

Chapter Thirteen

Rebecca

I stood stock still, the fact that I had just spoken the words still resonating within me. It had been a long time since I had said them aloud to anyone outside my family. Sometimes speaking the words made them sink in, feel more real.

"Bex, I didn't know-" I kissed him, shutting him up because I didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about my Dad, about how much I missed him. He held me close, arms tight around my waist. I knew my Mom was most likely watching, maybe even Seth if he was awake, but it spurred me on, if anything. Mason made me forget.

And it was scary as hell.

He tried to pull back, but I wouldn't let him, holding his head in place.

"Bex, your Mom is..." I pulled back, gasping for air, as tears filled my eyes. I thought I was done crying over this. I thought I was over the fact that he was gone, the fact that Mom was currently searching for a replacement, but the truth was this - the loss of a father couldn't be healed, or fixed, or sewed closed. It existed within you, and if you didn't watch closely, it would eat you up from within.

His fingers rubbed slow circles on my back, and I hugged him tight. As if by hugging him he could absorb the hurt, vanquish the memories.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so so sorry, angel." I had experienced a lifetime of people giving me meaningless apologies, and condolences for things they barely understood, but hearing Mason made me realize I had never heard anything more genuine.

I love you, I thought, and then snapped back to reality. I couldn't. Wouldn't. Shouldn't.

"Let's go," he said, gently tugging me down the walk and into his car. We sat in silence for a minute, and then he started driving, confidently, like he knew exactly where he was going, and I felt like I needed that in my life. A little self assurance.

Mason

Her Dad was dead.

I couldn't imagine a loss like that, how it would feel for someone to be there one second, and then not, the next.

Maybe I knew what that felt like. Each time I moved, the Mason I was and the Mason I am become different people, growing even further apart until I lose a piece of myself with each distance.

I knew where I was going, driving straight and with a purpose. I had found this little spot one day when I was out for a jog, looking for a spot with a little quiet, a little solitude. I usually found a place like that in each place I lived. I had never shared it with anyone.

I drove until we reached an open meadow, and Bex glanced around, confused. I climbed out of the car, heading into the woods, knowing she was following me.

Maybe she was worried I was some crazy serial killer, but I hoped she trusted me.

I pushed through thick trees until the clearing opened up before me, wide and majestic. The sun shone down, and the lake sparkled in reflection.

"Woah. This is gorgeous." She sighed in appreciation. I found a clear grassy spot and sat, pulling her down beside me.

"Someone else was just here," she laughed, picking up a few strawberry ends, the leaves attached.

"And clearly they liked strawberries." I laughed. "And chocolate," she added, seeing some smudged on the leaves of the berries.

I pulled her close, my chin on her shoulder.

"You alright?" She nodded, looking up at the sky.

"It gets better. But it still haunts me." I pecked her cheek.

I picked up a stone and skipped it into the lake. One, two, three, four.

She picked one up and chucked hard, watching as it landed with a plop, splashing water around it.

I couldn't help but think that's how she came into my life.

Rebecca

That's what death is like. Sudden, monumental, disastrous, causing ripples and uprooting the things around it.

But love was like that too, I was seeing. Not that I was in love. Definitely not. But I was assuming.

"Do you ever wonder why people bother to do this?" I asked suddenly, and Mason frowned at me.

"To do what?" He skipped another stone, and it jumped six times.

"To date. To fall in love, to feel more than they need."

He went silent, and I know he's thinking the same thing I am. As much as want to yell and scream about how love has broken our lives, I know one thing holds true.

What I feel for Mason isn't something I can give up. So I hope when the time comes, love won't be too cruel with us. Either way, there wasn't a place in the world I'd have rather been than there.

Rebecca

I couldn't tell whether the entrance of Mason into my life had been a blessing or a curse, a gift or a threat. My heart lay vulnerable, bare his for the taking, and I no longer knew how to save myself. I had spent so long expecting the worst from relationships, and shying away from the threat of love that I no longer knew what to do when someone like Mason came around.

I didn't know how to react anymore when someone made me feel again, made me access that part of my heart that had lay long dormant, shut off from the rest of the world. It was like a storm within me, raging strong, attacking my walls, hitting, screaming, punching until I let them down, until I stopped fighting back and finally gave in to what my heart truly wanted.

Mason.