Doubts & Distance

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Jonghyun PoV

The big clock on the wall showed 2:36am, when I suddenly woke up and sighed in disbelief.

I rolled to the side and looked out of the window. It was dark and foggy, like the last days which made me kind of happy, because even tho I get very sentimental through autumn and winter, I enjoyed it way too much.

The argument with Minho is over for three days now. . . he didn't talk to me since then, well he didn't even speak to me before so there was not much of a difference.

I stood up and walked to the window, studying the birds who flew in a  group of three or four.

My mind was still full of Kibum, because when he came home this one time. . .I felt bad. I knew he cried because, I heard that he gulped back his tears. My heart hurt so bad, I wanted to hug him, tell him that everything is okay and AAH!
WHY DO I EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM?!

I sat by the window for at least 20 minutes but then, out of no where, I heard some steps outside my room and suddenly someone tried to come in. I always lock my room so it was impossible to come in. I slowly tiptoed towards the door, hearing the sound of my heartbeat in my ears.

"Who's there?" I whispered. No one answered. Just an unpleasant silence which made me feel uncomfortable.

"Who the hell is there?!" I whispered against the door just a bit more vigorous. "I-it's me. . ."

KIBUM?! My heart leapt into my throat. "W-what do you want?" I asked with a crack in my voice because of my insecurity.

"Please. . . let me in."

"W. . .why should I?"

I felt bad being so cold to him because I know he might not feel well. "Jjong please, I need someone to talk to." He said with clenched teeth gulping his tears.

I sighed, slowly unlocked the door;
There he was. Swollen eyes, a shade similar to a firey red possibly due to all of the crying. He wore an oversized, dark blue shirt revealing a bit of his soft, milky skin.
He looked beautiful, so unbelievably beautiful.
God! I have to stop thinking about him like that.

Suddenly i snapped out of my daze;  realizing that I had been stareing this whole time, i quickly stepping back from the door, letting him in.
He then proceeded to sit down on my bed.

Awkward silence filled the room immediately and all I could do was look down to the floor.

"I'm really sorry for interrupting you this late but. . .ugh! Could you please look at me when I talk to you?!"

The younger hissed but as fast as his divaness overtook him, he was as shy as before.

I smiled at myself raising my head slowly.

"Thanks. . .so, uhm~" He was going to say something but suddenly the fragile boy began to cry.

Unsure as I was I took him into my arms and stroked his messy hair which had this sweet scent like always. "Shhh, please don't cry. I know, things are very difficult at the moment but you are strong. You need to believe in yourself, whatever it is, I know you will be able to get through this Bummie."

And After I spelled the last word I regretted everything. He looked at me with a shocked impression not sure if this really happened.

"I-I am so sorry I didn't mean to, fuck. I think you. . ."

Still not knowing what exactly happened, I felt his soft, cold fingers on my lips.

"It's. . . okay." He whispered, looked me deep in the eyes and laid his head back on my shoulder.

It was just the both of us. Two lonely and frightened boys, overwhelmed by the situation they were in.

I don't know for how long, we just sat there and did nothing, maybe for 10 minutes, maybe for 30 minutes or for hours.

The only thing I knew was that the more time passed by the more I liked the feeling having Kibum by my side, on my shoulder, hearing his soft breath.

Before I was able to realise Kibum has fallen asleep and I was slightly overchallenged with him on my shoulder. Should I wake him up?

I turned my head to let him know that I was tired. Even though I wished he would stay.

"Kibum, you have to go to bed. I want to sleep, I'm tired." The sleepy boy immediately looked at me and told me with teary eyes "I. . .I don't want to be alone tonight, please. . . let me sleep with you Jjong. . .I- I need you. . ."

What did he just say?! No! This wasn't possible! As much as I wished that he said that he would stay. . . I didn't want this! I was not allowed to grow more feelings for him! That wasn't right!

With wide eyes I turned my head away, disguise the redness of my cheeks even if he wasn't able to see it because of the darkness I felt caught.

"I. . . I ca-"
"Please, I beg you! I can't be alone tonight!"

I sighed. "Okay. . ." I gave in and crawled into my bed, lying on my back and closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt his head on my torso, my heart throbbed as fast as ever "Wha-" "Goodnight Jonghyun-ah"

I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. . .well it wasn't really pain. . .it felt warm and fulfilled but so strong that it hurts.

"Goodnight." I whispered and closed my eyes again.

This was the first time in MONTHS I felt good, secure. . . .loved.
I know it wasn't right to feel how I felt but I didn't care.

And I slowly had to admit that I love Kibum. I love him so unbelievably much!

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HEY LOVELIES!
I am so sorry for not updating the whole time but I just started with my A levels and UGH!
There was just no time!:'(
But I hope that you enjoy the story all the more ^^

XoXoX
Lia ✨