Ethans P.O.V
"Do you actually like her?" Grayson asked as I hung up the phone.
I shrugged, "I guess I do."
"Damn," Grayson shook her head.
"I know it hasn't been very long but I like her a lot," I admitted, "I feel so bad for being such a big asshole to her when she first walked through that door."
"I don't know what to tell you," he said.
"I don't want to like anyone, I don't want to fall in love, not now at least," I stated, "But my heart's got a mind of its own."
I took a deep sigh and Grayson and I sat in silence for a while.
My heart problem wasn't something I was born with, the doctors and I are still not very sure about the cause of it. It's pretty much cancer in the heart and many say that it was because of the lack of rest I got during tour making my whole body seem confused, and many just say it was bad luck.
I woke up the morning we were supposed to start heading over to Europe for our next set of shows. We were still in New Jersey, and we took a two week break from our South America tour before we were going to head to Europe. I had been feeling the symptoms for a few weeks by then and didn't think it was anything bad, I thought I was simply just getting a cold. I had trouble breathing sometimes lying down, I'd constantly feel lightheaded and dizzy, and I had a lot of chest pain.
The day of our trip is when everything started to kick in big time.
I lost blood circulation in my hands and my fingers pretty much turned purple, and I was throwing up to the point where I thought the lining of my stomach was going to explode. The blood pumping from my weak heart rushed all to my head causing me to faint and I felt my heart clench--literally.
I could've sworn my heart had stopped beating for a quick moment until I was rushed to the hospital. I thought it was over.
They connected me to billions of machines and everyday from that day on I would sit in bed and watch my heart rate monitor to see if it was slowing down.
I have been hospitalized for about 3 months now.
"What are you gonna do if you do end up falling in love with her?" Grayson asked.
Falling in love right now is the second thing I don't want to happen. The first thing is death of course, and leaving Lauren alone and unhappy to suffer the pain she gets from her father. Before I met her, I didn't think I had a purpose to live, but I can't stand knowing the fact that such a sweet innocent girl like her is going through such a hard time. But at this point, anything could happen any minute. I could be told that I'll end up happy and healthy one minute, and the other I'll be lying in my bed ready for my time to come.
My heart's like a bomb, it has a limited amount of time and before you know it, it'll burst into millions and millions of pieces.
"I don't know," I shrugged, "I guess I'll just make the most of it with the time I have left."
"Are you still going to Paris?" Grayson asked.
"She hasn't decided yet," I said, "I hope so."
"You're talking about not falling in love and not wanting to have any relationship with anyone at this point of your life, and you're thinking about taking Lauren to Paris?" Grayson said confused, "Paris is known as the 'City of Love', if you're not in love now, you definitely will be once you spend time with her alone in the City of Love."
I shrugged and stayed silent.
"Don't fucking go to Paris. Its such a dumb idea, you're risking your life Ethan!" he said with slight anger in his voice.
"I'm risking my life for her, if that will make her happy then it will all be worth it," I replied calmly.
"God you're so stupid," Grayson sighed frustratedly.
"I'm not stupid," I spat, "I'm caring, I care for Lauren. You wouldn't understand."
"I know that she's going through some things, but you could literally die," Grayson stated.
"I don't care."
"You can't fix everything Ethan."
I thought of that one conversation I had with Lauren, that one time where she almost seemed desperate to make me a happy guy.
I was the doubtful and negative one, this is like a repeat of what happened when I first met her.
**
"Listen, I'll do anything to make you happy, I hate seeing you like this."
"Are you another crazy fangirl who wants to fuck me?"
"Uh no," she laughed slightly, "I'm just someone who cares about you and wants everyone in the world to be happy."
"Lauren, not everything in the world is going to be perfect, you can't just fix everything like that."
"I know, but the world would be such a happy place."
**
"I know but the world would be such a happy place," I replied to Grayson using Lauren's exact words.
"Ethan you're dying," Grayson stated, "I don't want you to die, I want you to stay with me, to stay with us."
I shrugged.
"It's not only me," he continued, "It's our family, fans, friends, even Lauren. We're all going to miss you."
"Everyone is going to pass at one point of their life, for some it may be earlier or later," I spoke, "As for me, I'll be one of the earlier ones. I don't want to die in pain, I want to die happy and proud. And knowing that I made Lauren happy will make me a proud man for sure."
"Man?" Grayson chuckled, "Since when were you a man?"
"I've been a man since I was born, and I'll always be a man," I joked.
He laughed, "I'm gonna miss you so much when you're gone Eeteeweetee."
"I thought I was too until you brought up that dumbass nickname again," I rolled my eyes.
"Love you man," he patted my shoulder really quick, "Take care of yourself okay bud?"
I nodded and watched him get up and leave the room.
I struggled over and turned out the lights and drifted off to sleep.
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hope you enjoyed this chapter haha
ethan and lauren are gonna be going to paris pretty sooooooon ;)
and they actually went to paris today for their show today and i was like whoa this is like my fanfic whoa
ALSO SO MANY OF MY MUTUALS ARE MEETING THE TWINS AND IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM ASLKDFKSDJF LIKE I THINK IM ABOUT AS HAPPY AS I WAS WHEN I MYSELF MET THE TWINS LMAO (yes i met them in july at the seattle show)
i might also end up changing stuff with this chapter bc of typos and i feel like i already wrote something like this so if you constantly see the notif of me updating ch 9 thats why lol
this fanfic has like 69 votes and um profanity is not very good so you should vote so its not at 69 bc #noprofanity2k17
anyways i hope you enjoyed this chapter and my book so far and i hope the rest of your day is as nice as your butt ;)
PEACE! :)
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